My father, I have told you, was an old pupil of the Polytechnic School
and the son of a civil engineer. I have also said he was of Lorraine
race. There is a proverb which says: “Lorraine traitor to its king and
even to God.” This epigram expresses in a unique form the idea that
there is something complex in the mind of this frontier population.
The people of Lorraine have always lived on the border of two races and
of two existences, the German and the French. What is this disposition
to treachery if not the depravity of another taste, admirable from
the intellectual point of view, that of sentimental complication?
For my part, I attribute to this atavism the power of doubling of
which I spoke at the beginning of this analysis. I ought to add that,
when I was a child, I often felt a strange pleasure in disinterested
simulation which proceeded from the same principle. I recounted to my
comrades all sorts of inexact details concerning myself, about my place
of birth, my father’s birthplace, about a walk which I was intending to
take, and this not to boast, but simply to be some one else.
I found singular pleasure later in advancing opinions the most opposed
to those which I considered the true ones from the same _bizarre_
motive. To play a rôle different from my true nature appeared to me an
enrichment of my person, so strong was the instinct to resolve myself
into a character, a belief, a passion.
My mother is a woman of the South, absolutely rebellious against
all complexity, to whom ideas of things alone are intelligible. In
her imagination the forms of life are reproduced concrete, precise
and simple. When she thinks of religion, she sees her church, her
confessional, the communion cloth, the few priests whom she has known,
the catechism in which she studied. When she thinks of a career, she
sees positive activity and benefits. The professorate, for example,
which she desired me to enter, was for her M. Limasset, the professor
of mathematics, the friend of my father, and she saw me, like him,
going across the city twice a day in an alpaca coat and Panama hat
in summer, and my feet protected in winter by clogs, and my body in
a furred overcoat, with a fixed salary, the perquisites of private
tuition and the sweet assurance of a pension.
I have been able by studying her to learn how completely this order of
imagination renders those whom it governs incapable of comprehending
other souls. It is often said of such people that they are despotic and
personal, or that they have bad characters. In reality, they are before
those with whom they associate like a child before a watch. He sees the
hands move, he knows nothing of the wheels which make them move. So
when these hands do not go to suit his fancy there is the stupidity of
impatience to force them and to warp the springs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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