In reality, he did nothing of the kind; he wished the
letters would not come and disturb him in his work. He sent gruff
little answers, over which Cecily laughed, as so characteristic.
Yes, there was a distinct connection between those homely memories and
picturings which took him in thought to Sowerby Bridge, and the image
of Cecily Doran which had caused him to waste all this time in Naples.
They represented two worlds, in both of which he had some part; but it
was only too certain with which of them he was the more closely linked.
What but mere accident put him in contact with the world which was
Cecily's? Through her aunt she had aristocratic relatives; her wealth
made her a natural member of what is called society; her beauty and her
brilliancy marked her to be one of society's ornaments. What could she
possibly be to him, Ross Mallard, landscape-painter of small if any
note, as unaristocratic in mind and person as any one that breathed? To
put the point with uncompromising plainness, and therefore in all its
absurdity, how could he possibly imagine Cecily Doran called Mrs.
Mallard?
The thing was flagrantly, grossly, palpably absurd. He tingled in the
ears in trying to represent to himself how Cecily would think of it, if
by any misfortune it were ever suggested to her.
Then why not, in the name of common sense, cease to ponder such
follies, and get on with the work which waited for him? Why this
fluttering about a flame which scorched him more and more dangerously?
It was not the first time that he had experienced temptations of this
kind; a story of five years ago, its scene in London, should have
reminded him that he could stand a desperate wrench when convinced that
his life's purpose depended upon it. Here were three years of
trusteeship before him--he could not, or would not, count on her
marrying before she came of age. Her letters would still come; from
time to time doubtless he must meet her. It had all resulted from this
confounded journey taken together! Why, knowing himself sufficiently,
did he consent to meet the people at Genoa, loitering there for a
couple of days in expectancy? Why had he come to Italy at all just now?
The answers to all such angry queries were plain enough, however he had
hitherto tried to avoid them. He was a lonely man like his father, but
not content with loneliness; friendship was always strong to tempt him,
and when the thought of something more than friendship had been
suffered to take hold upon his imagination, it held with terrible grip,
burning, torturing. He had come simply to meet Cecily; there was the
long and short of it. It was a weakness, such as any man may be guilty
of, particularly any artist who groans in lifelong solitude. Let it he
recognized; let it be flung savagely into the past, like so many others
encountered and overcome on his course.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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