The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
Paule came to her and put her arm round the slender waist. Then
clasping her quite close in the quiet shelter of the wood she murmured
quickly, almost timidly, astonished at herself for daring to say what
she did:
“Don’t you know that Marcel loves you? He has given you all his heart.
Will you consent to be his wife, Alice? He hopes for no happiness
except from you alone.”
They were both equally affected and both dropped their eyes to the dead
leaves which lay at their feet. At the same moment they both looked up
again, blushed, and with a graceful movement embraced each other, and
burst into tears.
Paule recovered herself first. She looked with new eyes at this
exquisite being leaning on her shoulder, who without uttering a word
had become her sister. Alice, meanwhile, a prey to delicious emotion,
feared its force and thirsted to feel it always at her heart, accused
herself for giving way to it and readily gave way. This first encounter
with love made her see into the secret corners of her soul, still so
unformed and child-like. Her heart unfolded like some rose-bud, which
in the evening seems still closed and next morning one finds with its
opening calyx wet with dew.
“You will say ‘Yes’?” asked Paule softly. And in a voice as thin as a
breath of air Alice at last whispered, “Yes.”
Hand in hand they continued their walk, one listening to the happiness
singing within her and the other forgetful of self, and tasting in all
its fulness this joy which was not for her.
“You are my sister,” said Paule, “and I love you. Marcel deserves to be
happy. He has been so kind to us, I cannot tell you how kind. After my
father’s death we lived through some dreadful times. But my brother,
though so far away, helped us, with all his strength and resources.”
Alice listened to this praise with conflicting emotions. Paule’s words
brought an element of awkwardness into the conversation. Alice thought
nothing of money and did not know its importance. But she could not
imagine a love story without an appropriate setting. Ignorant of life,
she had conceived a wrong idea of the relative importance of vital
matters. And how indeed could she have met it in all its truth?
These were but dim and fleeting impressions. Alice did not regret
that she had said “Yes.” Marcel loved her, and dear Paule at her side
spoke so kindly to her. Feeling the need, however, of reinforcing her
courage, she questioned her friend about the future.
“What must we do now?”
“My mother will come to La Chênaie to ask for your hand. You must
prepare your mother and father. Your mother adores you and surely
wants only to make you happy. And M. Dulaurens will willingly listen to
your mother.”
The oak-trees which sheltered the two girls at this moment were so
thick of foliage that no light could penetrate them. Alice had become
suddenly thoughtful and awoke from her glowing love-dream to that
reality whose approach she instinctively dreaded.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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