For such gallant sight Laurence watched, singularly moved, and with a
singular eagerness. And so clear was the vision to his mind, so
necessary to the completion of the scene upon which his eyes rested,
that for some moments he failed to distinguish where actuality ended
and hallucination began. He contemplated the creation of his own brain
in absorbed interest; then turned and looked at the rough road and
dilapidated turnpike house, and then again out to sea. Only a
black-hulled, ocean-going tramp, her deckhouses piled up amidships close
against her reeking funnel, laboured slowly down channel in the teeth of
the gusty breeze. This was all; and then the young man understood, not
without amazement, that the gallant show had been a thing of the
imagination only,--at most a thing remembered, but how and whence
remembered he could not tell. For how, upon any reasonable hypothesis,
could the memory of a man like himself of but just over thirty, put back
the clock by close upon a century, and disport itself with incidents
belonging by rights to, at least, two generations ago? It was all most
exceedingly strange. It amounted to being disquieting. Really he did not
half like it. Yet the imagined spectacle had been very inspiring all the
same. It had made his blood tingle, and had effectually (or
disastrously) exorcised that spirit of indolence and _laisser aller_
which he had solicited to take up its abode with him. He sent his horse
forward at a sharp trot, while once again he proceeded to revise the
situation.
For the idea presented itself that perhaps he had been over
self-confident, arrogating to himself a far greater freedom of will than
he, in point of fact, possessed. It was all very fine to foreswear
adventure, but what if adventure refused to be foresworn? He might
easily propose to decline upon modernity, mediocrity, and the
Commonplace; but what if these, as seemed just now highly probable,
asserted in unmistakable language their determination to have none of
him? He reflected that temperament may constitute your genius or your
fate, your opportunity or your ruin, as you have the wit to deal with
it; but that temperament is indestructible, and that escape from
it,--however inconvenient and contrary to your desire that temperament
may be,--is obviously and inherently impossible.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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