His restless wanderings brought him at length to the bay-window, and he
looked out into the night. The storm had not abated. Dimly he could
perceive, in the light streaming outward from the window, the
rain-washed steps, the pale balustrades and statues of the garden; the
near cypresses, too, bowed and straining in the gale which shrieked
across the open lawns and bellowed hoarsely in the woodland like some
fierce beast let loose. And Laurence, viewing this tumult and listening
to it, suffered further humiliation. He became but a small thing in his
own estimation, weak, futile, incapable. For to what, after all, did his
force of will and power of compelling events amount? He thought of
Armstrong, the level-headed and circumspect Scotch agent; of his uncle,
dignified, and even in mortal illness faithful to the clear purposes of
his long life. He thought of Virginia, strong in virtue of her very
limitations, glittering as a well-cut jewel, concrete, complete. All
these persons occupied a definite place, served, in their degree, a
definite end. Whereas, for himself, was he not the veriest sport of
nature and of circumstance, endowed with just sufficient wit, sufficient
talent, to court failure in any and every direction? His initiative,
that had lately showed god-like, now shrivelled to microscopic
proportions; while a further unwelcome question presented itself. For
had the gracious spectre--he no longer quarrelled with that
definition--lived, as he had fondly supposed, through his life, regained
reason and glad, human sympathy through the influence of his will, or
had the case, in very truth, been precisely the reverse? Had not she
been the active, he the merely passive principle? Had he not reached a
higher development, and gloried--for a little space--in conscious
possession of genius, had he not lived, in short, through her--and this
not by exercise of direct intention on her part, but merely in obedience
to the might of her love for another man--a man long dead, but whose
name he chanced to bear, and whose appearance he chanced to resemble?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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