The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“We should be glad to meet you.... Wrestling, eh? Well, I like a boy to
be fond of manly sports. Still, life isn’t all athletics. Don’t forget
that. Life is real! Life is ... how does it go, Miss Milliken?”
Miss Milliken folded her hands and shut her eyes, her invariable habit
when called upon to recite.
“Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal; dust
thou art to dust returnest, was not spoken of the soul. Art is long and
time is fleeting, And our hearts, though stout and brave, Still like
muffled drums are beating, Funeral marches to the grave. Lives of great
men all remind us we can make our lives sublime, and, departing, leave
behind us footsteps on the sands of Time. Let us then ...” said Miss
Milliken respectfully, ... “be up and doing....”
“All right, all right, all right!” said Sir Mallaby. “I don’t want it
all. Life is real! Life is earnest, Sam. I want to speak to you about
that when I’ve finished answering these letters. Where was I? ‘We
should be glad to meet you at any time, if you will make an
appointment....’ Bingley-on-the-Sea! Good heavens! Why
Bingley-on-the-Sea? Why not Margate while you were about it?”
“Margate is too bracing. I did not wish to be braced. Bingley suited my
mood. It was grey and dark and it rained all the time, and the sea
slunk about in the distance like some baffled beast....”
He stopped, becoming aware that his father was not listening. Sir
Mallaby’s attention had returned to the letter.
“Oh, what’s the good of answering the dashed thing at all?” said Sir
Mallaby. “Brigney, Goole and Butterworth know perfectly well that
they’ve got us in a cleft stick. Butterworth knows it better than
Goole, and Brigney knows it better than Butterworth. This young fool,
Eggshaw, Sam, admits that he wrote the girl twenty-three letters,
twelve of them in verse, and twenty-one specifically asking her to
marry him, and he comes to me and expects me to get him out of it. The
girl is suing him for ten thousand.”
“How like a woman!”
Miss Milliken bridled reproachfully at this slur on her sex. Sir
Mallaby took no notice of it whatever.
“... if you will make an appointment, when we can discuss the matter
without prejudice. Get those typed, Miss Milliken. Have a cigar, Sam.
Miss Milliken, tell Peters as you go out that I am occupied with a
conference and can see nobody for half an hour.”
When Miss Milliken had withdrawn Sir Mallaby occupied ten seconds of
the period which he had set aside for communion with his son in staring
silently at him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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