The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“Well, I mean, they never seem to come to anything.” Billie gazed
wistfully at the counterpane. “Do you know, father, I’m beginning to
think that I’m rather impulsive. I wish I didn’t do silly things in
such a hurry.”
“I don’t see where the hurry comes in as regards that Mortimer boy. You
took ten years to make up your mind.”
“I was not thinking of Bream. Another man.”
“Great Heavens! Are you still imagining yourself in love with young
Hignett?”
“Oh, no! I can see now that I was never in love with poor Eustace. I
was thinking of a man I got engaged to on the boat!”
Mr. Bennett sat bolt upright in bed, and stared incredulously at his
surprising daughter. His head was beginning to swim.
“Of course I’ve misunderstood you,” he said. “There’s a catch somewhere
and I haven’t seen it. But for a moment you gave me the impression that
you had promised to marry some man on the boat!”
“I did!”
“But...!” Mr. Bennett was doing sums on his fingers. “Do you mean to
tell me,” he demanded, having brought out the answer to his
satisfaction, “do you mean to tell me that you have been engaged to
three men in three weeks?”
“Yes,” said Billie in a small voice.
“Great Godfrey! Er——?”
“No, only three.”
Mr. Bennett sank back on to his pillow with a snort.
“The trouble is,” continued Billie, “one does things and doesn’t know
how one is going to feel about it afterwards. You can do an awful lot
of thinking afterwards, father.”
“I’m doing a lot of thinking now,” said Mr. Bennett with austerity.
“You oughtn’t to be allowed to go around loose!”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. I shall never get engaged again. I shall
never love anyone again.”
“Don’t tell me you are still in love with this boat man?”
Billie nodded miserably. “I didn’t realise it till we came down here.
But, as I sat and watched the rain, it suddenly came over me that I had
thrown away my life’s happiness. It was as if I had been offered a
wonderful jewel and had refused it. I seemed to hear a voice
reproaching me and saying, ‘You have had your chance. It will never
come again!’”
“Don’t talk nonsense!” said Mr. Bennett.
Billie stiffened. She had thought she had been talking rather well.
Mr. Bennett was silent for a moment. Then he started up with an
exclamation. The mention of Eustace Hignett had stirred his memory.
“What’s young Hignett got wrong with him?” he asked.
“Mumps.”
“Mumps! Good God! Not mumps!” Mr. Bennett quailed. “I’ve never had
mumps! One of the most infectious ... this is awful!... Oh, heavens!
Why did I ever come to this lazar-house!” cried Mr. Bennett, shaken to
his depths.
“There isn’t the slightest danger, father, dear. Don’t be silly. If I
were you, I should try to get a good sleep. You must be tired after
this morning.”
“Sleep! If I only could!” said Mr. Bennett, and did so five minutes
after the door had closed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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