ALCAR. I shall be quite frank with you. The dignity of Westminster Abbey is involved in this case, and nothing in all England is more sacred to us than Westminster Abbey. One has only to pronounce the word "the Abbey"--to realize that. We know what a modern trial is; we know what the modern press is; and, unhappily, we know what the modern bench is. It is impossible to contemplate with equanimity the prospect of Westminster Abbey and its solemnities being given up to the tender mercy of the evening papers and a joking judge surrounded by millinery. Such an exhibition would be unseemly. It would soil our national existence. In a word, it would have a bad effect. CARVE. (Meditatively--bland.) How English! (He gets up and walks unobtrusively about the room, examining the pictures.) ALCAR. Undoubtedly. But this is England. It is perhaps a disadvantage that we are not in Russia nor in Prussia. But we must make the best of our miserable country. (In a new tone, showing the orator skilled in changes of voice.) Can't we discuss our little affair in a friendly way entirely without prejudice? We are together here, among gentlemen-- JANET. I'm afraid you're forgetting me. ALCAR. (Recovering himself.) Madam, I am convinced that none of us can be more gentlemanly than yourself.... Can we not find a way of settlement? (With luxurious enjoyment of the idea.) Imagine the fury of all those lawyers and journalists when they learn that we--er--if I may so express it--have done them in the eye! TEXEL. If I wasn't going to come out on top, I could understand you worrying about your old Abbey. But I'm taking the part of your Abbey. When I win it wins, and I'm certain to win. ALCAR. I do not doubt---- EBAG. (With suave assurance.) But I do. ALCAR. (Continuing.) I do not doubt your conviction, Mr. Texel. It merely proves that you have never seen a British Jury exercising itself upon a question relating to the fine arts. If you had you would not be certain, for you would know that twelve tradesmen so occupied are capable of accomplishing the most incredible marvels. Supposing you don't win--supposing Mr. Ebag wins---- EBAG. As I assuredly shall. ALCAR. Then we should have the whole world saying, "Well, they haven't given a national funeral to a really great artist for about a century, and when at last they do try they only succeed in burying a valet." CARVE. (Looking round casually.) England all over! ALCAR. The effect would be lamentable--utterly lamentable. You will realize that in influential quarters---- TEXEL. But do you reckon this policy of hushing up things ever does any good? ALCAR. My dear sir, it is the corner-stone of England's greatness. It is the policy that has made her what she is! CARVE. (Looking round again.) True! What she is! ALCAR. (Turning sharply to CARVE behind him.) Mr. X, your interest in my picture flatters me immensely---- CARVE. (Interrupting him.) I see you've bought my latest portrait of my wife. ALCAR. Yes.