English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
Henry (lighting a cigar and hiding it in a fern-pot). That moonlight
evening on the Backs, George, when I had failed in my Matriculation
examination?
George. Yes; and we promised that when either of us fell in love the
other should be the first to hear of it? (Rising solemnly.) Henry,
the moment has come. (With shining eyes.) I am in love.
Henry (jumping up and grasping him by both hands). George! My dear
old George! (In a voice broken with emotion.) Bless you, George!
[He pats him thoughtfully on the back three times, nods his own head
twice, gives him a final grip of the hand, and returns to his chair.
George (more moved by this than he cares to show). Thank you, Henry.
(Hoarsely.) You're a good fellow.
Henry (airily, with a typically British desire to conceal his
emotion). Who is the lucky little lady?
George (taking out a picture postcard of the British Museum and
kissing it passionately). Isobel Barley!
[If Henry is not careful he will probably give a start of surprise
here, with the idea of suggesting to the audience that he (1) knows
something about the lady's past, or (2) is in love with her himself.
He is, however, thinking of a different play. We shall come to that
one in a moment.
Henry (in a slightly dashing manner). Little Isobel? Lucky dog!
George. I wish I could think so. (Sighs.) But I have yet to approach
her, and she may be another's. (Fiercely.) Heavens, Henry, if she
should be another's!
Enter Isobel.
Isobel (brightly). So I've run you to earth at last. Now, what have
you got to say for yourselves?
Henry (like a man). By Jove! (looking at his watch)--I had no
idea--is it really--poor old Joe--waiting--
[Dashes out tactfully in a state of incoherence.
George (rising and leading Isobel to the front of the stage). Miss
Barley, now that we are alone, I have something I want to say to
you.
Isobel (looking at her watch). Well, you must be quick. Because I'm
engaged--
[George drops her hand and staggers away from her.
Isobel. Why, what's the matter?
George (to the audience, in a voice expressing the very deeps of
emotion). Engaged! She is engaged! I am too late!
[He sinks into a chair and covers his face with his hands.
Isobel (surprised). Mr Turnbull! What has happened?
George (waving her away with one hand). Go! Leave me! I can bear
this best alone. (Exit Isobel.) Merciful heavens, she is plighted to
another!
Enter Henry.
Henry (eagerly). Well, old man?
George (raising a face white with misery--that is to say, if he has
remembered to put the French chalk in the palms of his hands).
Henry, I am too late! She is another's!
Henry (in surprise). Whose?
George (with dignity). I did not ask her. It is nothing to me.
Good-bye, Henry. Be kind to her.
Henry. Why, where are you going?
George (firmly). To the Rocky Mountains. I shall shoot some bears.
Grizzly ones. It may be that thus I shall forget my grief.
Henry (after a pause). Perhaps you are right, George. What shall I
tell--her?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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