"Just now, Harry, we are in the Past. We are back--we two together--in
the glorious and beautiful Past, where everything was delightful.
Outside this place there is the horrible Present. You have made the
Present for us, and therefore you ought to know what it is. Let me
look at you, Harry. Why, the old look is coming back to your eyes.
Take off that black gown, Harry, and throw it away, while you are with
me. So. You are now my old friend again, and we can talk. You are no
longer the President of the Holy College, the terrible and venerable
Arch Physician, the Guardian of the House of Life. You are plain Harry
Linister again. Tell me, then, Harry, are you happy in this beautiful
Present that you have made?"
"No, Mildred; I am never happy."
"Then why not unmake the Present? Why not return to the Past?"
"It is impossible. We might go back to the Past for a little; but it
would become intolerable again, as it did before. Formerly there was no
time for any of the fleeting things of life to lose their rapture. All
things were enjoyed for a moment, and then vanished. Now"--he sighed
wearily--"they last--they last. So that there is nothing left for us
but the finding of new secrets. And for you, Mildred?"
"I have been in a dream," she replied. "Oh, a long, long nightmare,
that has never left me, day or night. I don't know how long it has
lasted. But it has lifted at last, thank GOD!"
The Arch Physician started and looked astonished.
"It seems a long time," he said, "since I heard those words. I thought
we had forgotten--"
"It was a dream of no change, day after day. Nothing happened. In
the morning we worked; in the afternoon we rested; in the evening we
took food; at night we slept. And the mind was dead. There were no
books to read; there was nothing to talk about; there was nothing
to hope. Always the same work--a piece of work that nobody cared
to do--a mechanical piece of work. Always the same dress--the same
hideous, horrible dress. We were all alike; there was nothing at all to
distinguish us. The Past seemed forgotten."
"Nothing can be ever forgotten," said Dr. Linister; "but it may be put
away for a time."
"Oh, when I think of all that we had forgotten, it seems terrible! Yet
we lived--how could we live?--it was not life. No thought, no care,
about anything. Every one centred in himself, careless of his neighbor.
Why, I did not know so much as the occupants of the rooms next to my
own. Men looked on women, and women on men, without thought or emotion.
Love was dead--Life was Death? Harry, it was a most dreadful dream. And
in the night there used to come a terrible nightmare of nothingness!
It was as if I floated alone in ether, far from the world or life, and
could find nothing--nothing--for the mind to grasp or think of. And
I woke at the point of madness. A dreadful dream! And yet we lived.
Rather than go back to that most terrible dream, I would--I would--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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