The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies — John Shaqi
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"On that morning you shall get my daughter--without fail. Surely that
will be enough for one day!"
"Vell, ven do I get de money your daughter gets from de Synagogue?"
"When she gets it from the Synagogue, of course."
"How much vill it be?"
"It may be a hundred and fifty pounds," said Manasseh pompously.
Yankelé's eyes sparkled.
"And it may be less," added Manasseh as an after-thought.
"How much less?" enquired Yankelé anxiously.
"A hundred and fifty pounds," repeated Manasseh pompously.
"D'you mean to say I may get noting?"
"Certainly, if she gets nothing. What I promised you was the money she
gets from the Synagogue. Should she be fortunate enough in the
_sorteo_--"
"De _sorteo_! Vat is dat?"
"The dowry I told you of. It is accorded by lot. My daughter has as
good a chance as any other maiden. By winning her you stand to win a
hundred and fifty pounds. It is a handsome amount. There are not many
fathers who would do as much for their daughters," concluded Manasseh
with conscious magnanimity.
"But about de Jerusalem estate!" said Yankelé, shifting his
standpoint. "I don't vant to go and live dere. De Messiah is not yet
come."
"No, you will hardly be able to live on it," admitted Manasseh.
"You do not object to my selling it, den?"
"Oh, no! If you are so sordid, if you have no true Jewish sentiment!"
"Ven can I come into possession?"
"On the wedding day if you like."
"One may as vell get it over," said Yankelé, suppressing a desire to
rub his hands in glee. "As de Talmud says, 'One peppercorn to-day is
better dan a basketful of pumpkins to-morrow.'"
"All right! I will bring it to the Synagogue."
"Bring it to de Synagogue!" repeated Yankelé in amaze. "Oh, you mean
de deed of transfer."
"The deed of transfer! Do you think I waste my substance on
solicitors? No, I will bring the property itself."
"But how can you do dat?"
"Where is the difficulty?" demanded Manasseh with withering contempt.
"Surely a child could carry a casket of Jerusalem earth to Synagogue!"
"A casket of earth! Is your property in Jerusalem only a casket of
earth?"
"What then? You didn't expect it would be a casket of diamonds?"
retorted Manasseh, with gathering wrath. "To a true Jew a casket of
Jerusalem earth is worth all the diamonds in the world."
"But your Jerusalem property is a fraud!" gasped Yankelé.
"Oh, no, you may be easy on that point. It's quite genuine. I know
there is a good deal of spurious Palestine earth in circulation, and
that many a dead man who has clods of it thrown into his tomb is
nevertheless buried in unholy soil. But this casket I was careful to
obtain from a Rabbi of extreme sanctity. It was the only thing he had
worth _schnorring_."
"I don't suppose I shall get more dan a crown for it," said Yankelé,
with irrepressible indignation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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