Japan -- History -- Meiji period, 1868-1912 -- Fiction
Tell him how I feel, Mate. It is hard for me to write letters these
days, but I want him to know that I am glad because he is happy.
I have been living in the past to-day going over the old days in the
Mountains up at the lake, and the reunions on the farm. How many have
gone down into the great silence since then! Somehow I seem nearer to
them than I do to you who are alive. While I am still on the crowded
highway of life, yet I am surrounded by strange, unloving faces that
have no connection with the joys or the sorrows of the past.
How the view changes as we pass along the great road. At first only
the hilltops are visible, rosy and radiant under the enthusiasm of
youth, then the level plains come into sight flooded with the bright
light of mid-day, then slowly we slip into the valleys where the long
shadows fall like memories across our hearts.
Oh! well, with all the struggles, all the heartaches, I am glad, Mate,
very glad that I have lived--and laughed. For I am laughing again, in
spite of the fact that my courage got fuddled and took the wrong road.
I heard of a man the other day who had received a sentence of fifteen
years for some criminal act. He was in love with the freedom of life,
he was young and strong, so he made a dash down a long iron staircase,
dropped into a river, swam a mile and gained his freedom. All search
failed to find him, but two days later he walked into the police
station and gave himself up to serve his time. I made my dash for
liberty, but I have come back to serve my time.
I don't have to tell you, Mate, that I am ashamed of having shown the
white feather. You will write me a beautiful letter and explain it all
away, but I know in my soul you are disappointed in me, and to even
think about it is like going down in a swift elevator. Being able to
go under gracefully is my highest ambition at present, but try as I
will, I kick a few kicks before I disappear.
Please, please, Mate, don't worry about me. I promise that if I reach
the real limit I will cable for a special steamer to be sent for
me. But I don't intend to reach it, or at least I am going to get on
the other side of it, so there will be no further danger.
Two long months will pass before I get an answer to this. It will come
in April with the cherry blossoms and the spring.
HIROSHIMA, March, 1905.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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