It was not capitulation. The clinging of Anna Erivan was but momentary.
Though they had already talked together almost from the first as if the
relation of man and woman were old and established, nothing of the
exterior obstacles had been removed. In each of the three days that
followed, Anna Erivan asked him in a different way to continue his
journey. He refused. They spoke little otherwise. There were
occasional passages of kindness between them, when they seemed to touch
the great yearning of heart for heart, but their emotions were not
brought to words. Toward evening they would draw together a little, but
separate early to their rooms. The second night, soon after he had
entered his room, the laugh of the hyenas came again from the desert.
He went to the living-room, and stood near her door.
He saw the knob turn from within—knew she was pressing against it—but
the laugh was not repeated. She mastered her terror.... These nights
were hard for him, for he slept little; and the days were hard. Though
he was near her, the woman was very far away. He had the sense of
carrying a broken courage; that he was a weakling remaining in camp with
the women, while the warriors went forth for the hunt. He missed
nothing of the pull of the task, but the holding of the woman was
greater.
His will did not change. Nadiram was all that was sinister and
detestable. He could not leave her there alone. Sometimes he yearned
for the mission, the perils of it, subtle and open, the worst that it
could bring in exposure and famine and fear. Her presence haunted him
with every beauty and mystery. He found himself dwelling for many rapt
moments on the scenes of their meeting—the first night and morning.
Sometimes he felt that this was only a door that was shut between them;
that all the love was there, waiting for one will to break. Sometimes
again he was in the utter darkness that came from the conviction that he
had forfeited everything by remaining. In the main, she gave no sign.
It was a very still place in his life. He had no thought of food,
though to pass the time he explored the town to purchase little
delicacies for the table and comforts for the house. He did not go near
the Rest House. In the sight of the resting camels was something both
indolent and insolent. Bamban was ever within call—apparently true and
uncritical, though sometimes Romney fancied a reproach. The forward
room where the brother had lain, was opened and clear. The few callers
were received there, the woman attending.
Romney ate little or nothing. He thought he would see more clearly, and
all his inclinations were against food. On the third day, though she
did not speak, he saw that he was making her suffer. The fear came that
she might think he was trying for her pity—that nauseated him. He fell
to—and perceived her relief.
"I thought it was a good chance. A man ought to fast occasionally," he
explained. "Especially a man who does not work, should not eat."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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