It may be that there is a companionship in a mirror, especially to a
woman; that the reflection of oneself is an emboldening presence, a
personality which is better than the actuality of an unvalued stranger.
Certainly, when Stephen closed the door and stood in the wainscoted
passage, which was only dimly lit by the high window at either end, her
courage seemed at once to ooze away.
Probably for the first time in her life, as she left the shade of the
long passage and came out on the staircase flooded with the light of the
noonday sun, Stephen felt that she was a girl--'girl' standing as some
sort of synonym for weakness, pretended or actual. Fear, in whatever
form or degree it may come, is a vital quality and must move. It cannot
stand at a fixed point; if it be not sent backward it must progress.
Stephen felt this, and, though her whole nature was repugnant to the
task, forced herself to the effort of repression. It would, she felt,
have been to her a delicious pleasure to have abandoned all effort; to
have sunk in the lassitude of self-surrender.
The woman in her was working; her sex had found her out!
She turned and looked around her, as though conscious of being watched.
Then, seeing that she was alone, she went her way with settled purpose;
with flashing eyes and glowing cheeks--and a beating heart. A heart all
woman's since it throbbed the most with apprehension when the enemy, Man,
was the objective of her most resolute attack. She knew that she must
keep moving; that she must not stop or pause; or her whole resolution
must collapse. And so she hurried on, fearful lest a chance meeting with
any one might imperil her purpose.
On she went through the faint moss-green paths; through meadows rich with
flowering grasses and the many reds of the summer wild-flowers. And so
up through the path cut in the natural dipping of the rock that rose over
Caester Hill and formed a strong base for the clump of great trees that
made a landmark for many a mile around. During the first part of her
journey between the house and the hilltop, she tried to hold her purpose
at arm's length; it would be sufficient to face its terrors when the time
had come. In the meantime the matter was of such overwhelming importance
that nothing else could take its place; all she could do was to suspend
the active part of the thinking faculties and leave the mind only
receptive.
But when she had passed through the thin belt of stunted oak and beech
which hedged in the last of the lush meadows, and caught sight of the
clump of trees on the hilltop, she unconsciously braced herself as a
young regiment loses its tremors when the sight of the enemy breaks upon
it. No longer her eyes fell earthward; they were raised, and raised
proudly. Stephen Norman was fixed in her intention. Like the woman of
old, her feet were on the ploughshares and she would not hesitate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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