The words filled her with a great shame. She felt herself a dilemma. It
had been no part of her purpose to allude his debts. Viewed in the light
of what was to follow, it would seem to him that she was trying to
foreclose his affection. That could not be allowed to pass; the error
must be rectified. And yet! . . . And yet this very error must be
cleared up before she could make her full wish apparent. She seemed to
find herself compelled by inexorable circumstances into an unlooked-for
bluntness. In any case she must face the situation. Her pluck did not
fail her; it was with a very noble and graceful simplicity that she
turned to her companion and said:
'Leonard, I did not quite mean that. It would be a pleasure to me to be
of that or any other service to you, if I might be so happy! But I never
meant to allude to your debts. Oh! Leonard, can't you understand! If
you were my husband--or--or going to be, all such little troubles would
fall away from you. But I would not for the world have you think . . . '
Her very voice failed her. She could not speak what was in her mind; she
turned away, hiding in her hands her face which fairly seemed to burn.
This, she thought, was the time for a true lover's opportunity! Oh, if
she had been a man, and a woman had so appealed, how he would have sprung
to her side and taken her in his arms, and in a wild rapture of declared
affection have swept away all the pain of her shame!
But she remained alone. There was no springing to her side; no rapture
of declared affection; no obliteration of her shame. She had to bear it
all alone. There, in the open; under the eyes that she would fain have
seen any other phase of her distress. Her heart beat loud and fast; she
waited to gain her self-control.
Leonard Everard had his faults, plenty of them, and he was in truth
composed of an amalgam of far baser metals than Stephen thought; but he
had been born of gentle blood and reared amongst gentlefolk. He did not
quite understand the cause or the amount of his companion's concern; but
he could not but recognise her distress. He realised that it had
followed hard upon her most generous intention towards himself. He could
not, therefore, do less than try to comfort her, and he began his task in
a conventional way, but with a blundering awkwardness which was all
manlike. He took her hand and held it in his; this much at any rate he
had learned in sitting on stairs or in conservatories after extra dances.
He said as tenderly as he could, but with an impatient gesture unseen by
her:
'Forgive me, Stephen! I suppose I have said or done something which I
shouldn't. But I don't know what it is; upon my honour I don't. Anyhow,
I am truly sorry for it. Cheer up, old girl! I'm not your husband, you
know; so you needn't be distressed.'
Stephen took her courage _a deux mains_. If Leonard would not speak she
must. It was manifestly impossible that the matter could be left in its
present state.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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