The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
[_Whose inebriety has reached the argumentative stage._] Working
classhes! Don' talk t' me 'bout th' working classhes!
JIMMIE.
H'sh! Shut up, Bertie.
FULKERSON.
I'm s'h'ick o' th' ve'y mention o' th' name-- working classhes!
JIMMIE.
Sit on his head, somebody. We shall wake Ma and the servants.
LILY.
[_Taking off her wrap and hanging it up in the wardrobe._] Don't
worry; you won't wake _my_ servants. And mother's bound to hear us;
she sleeps so lightly when I'm out.
DAPHNE.
[_Gaping violently._] Oh-h-h-h!
JIMMIE.
[_Clapping her hand over DAPHNE'S mouth._] Manners!
FULKERSON.
[_Depositing his overcoat and hat upon the fauteuil-stool._] One 'ud
'magine th' working-man'sh th' on'y pershon who ever does day'sh work!
Ridiculush!
VON RETTENMAYER AND BLAND.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
DE CASTRO.
Thome truth in what Bertie'th thayin', though. For inthtanthe----
FULKERSON.
[_With great disgust._] Br'ish working-man!
ROPER.
By Jove, yes! When I think o' the work Mr. Lionel Hesketh Roper
manages to dispose of in the course of a day----!
[_VON RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO have placed their overcoats and hats
upon the chair at the back of the piano and FARNCOMBE, BLAND, and
ROPER have piled theirs on the arm-chair on the left. ENID and
GABRIELLE throw their wraps upon the settee, DAPHNE drops hers upon
the box-ottoman, and JIMMIE puts hers over the arm of the chair by the
centre table._
LILY.
[_To everybody._] I'll just run upstairs and tell mother that all's
serene. [_She goes to the door on the left; FARNCOMBE, BLAND, and
ROPER get in each other's way in their desire to open it for her._] If
any of you want a drink, you must hunt for it yourselves in the
dining-room. [_To ROPER._] You play host, Uncle Lal.
[_She disappears, turning to the left and ascending the stairs._
ROPER.
[_Briskly._] Now, then, give your orders, gents! [_Coming forward._]
Ladies, don't all speak at once.
FULKERSON.
[_Making for the door._] I'll have sma' whiskeyan' soda.
[_He goes along the landing and down the stairs._
BLAND.
[_Following him._] No, no! Bertie! Bertie----!
JIMMIE.
[_Seated in the arm-chair by the centre table-- to ROPER._] Stop it.
We'll have trouble enough to get that boy home as it is.
[_ROPER hurries out after BLAND and FULKERSON. VON RETTENMAYER and DE
CASTRO also move to the door._
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_To ENID, who is sitting with GABRIELLE on the settee._] Enid----?
ENID.
A glass of soda-water.
GABRIELLE.
Same for me, Von.
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_To JIMMIE._] Jimmie----?
JIMMIE.
No, thanks.
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_Looking down upon DAPHNE, who has curled herself up on the
box-ottoman and is already asleep-- sentimentally._] Baby-- baby----
DAPHNE.
[_Half sighing, half moaning._] Ah-h-h-h!
JIMMIE.
[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] Don't disturb her. Let her have her snooze in
peace.
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_Still contemplating DAPHNE._] Shall I bring you your boddle, you
preddy liddle baby?
ENID.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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