“You gave up a comfortable home and a life as happy as the average. You
were fairly prosperous. You seem to have had a rotten time in Paris. If
you had your time over again would you do what you did?”
“Rather.”
“Do you know that you haven’t asked anything about your wife and
children? Do you never think of them?”
“No.”
“I wish you weren’t so damned monosyllabic. Have you never had a
moment’s regret for all the unhappiness you caused them?”
His lips broke into a smile, and he shook his head.
“I should have thought sometimes you couldn’t help thinking of the
past. I don’t mean the past of seven or eight years ago, but further
back still, when you first met your wife, and loved her, and married
her. Don’t you remember the joy with which you first took her in your
arms?”
“I don’t think of the past. The only thing that matters is the
everlasting present.”
I thought for a moment over this reply. It was obscure, perhaps, but I
thought that I saw dimly his meaning.
“Are you happy?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I was silent. I looked at him reflectively. He held my stare, and
presently a sardonic twinkle lit up his eyes.
“I’m afraid you disapprove of me?”
“Nonsense,” I answered promptly; “I don’t disapprove of the
boa-constrictor; on the contrary, I’m interested in his mental
processes.”
“It’s a purely professional interest you take in me?”
“Purely.”
“It’s only right that you shouldn’t disapprove of me. You have a
despicable character.”
“Perhaps that’s why you feel at home with me,” I retorted.
He smiled dryly, but said nothing. I wish I knew how to describe his
smile. I do not know that it was attractive, but it lit up his face,
changing the expression, which was generally sombre, and gave it a look
of not ill-natured malice. It was a slow smile, starting and sometimes
ending in the eyes; it was very sensual, neither cruel nor kindly, but
suggested rather the inhuman glee of the satyr. It was his smile that
made me ask him:
“Haven’t you been in love since you came to Paris?”
“I haven’t got time for that sort of nonsense. Life isn’t long enough
for love and art.”
“Your appearance doesn’t suggest the anchorite.”
“All that business fills me with disgust.”
“Human nature is a nuisance, isn’t it?” I said.
“Why are you sniggering at me?”
“Because I don’t believe you.”
“Then you’re a damned fool.”
I paused, and I looked at him searchingly.
“What’s the good of trying to humbug me?” I said.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
I smiled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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