There was no misunderstanding the movement; it was an intentional and
conscious one, and the motive which lay behind both was her woman's
mystery. I did not know much about women, but I could make no mistake
as to this. Inasmuch as Providence has thought fit in its wisdom to
make men and women different, it is just as well that each sex should
at critical times use its own potentialities for its protection and
advancement. Herein comes, in the midst of an unnatural civilisation,
the true utility of instinct. Since we have lost the need of early
information of the presence of game or of predatory animals or hostile
men, even our instincts adapt themselves to our surroundings. Many
an act which may afterwards seem the result of long and careful
premeditation is, on reflection, found to be simply the result of that
form of momentary impulse which is in reality a blind obedience to
some knowledge of our ancestors gained through painful experience.
Some protective or militant instinct whose present exercise is but a
variant of its primal use. For an instant the man and the woman were
antagonistic. The woman shrank, therefore it was the man's interest to
advance; all at once the man in me spoke through the bashfulness and
reticence of years:
"Why do you shrink from me? Have I done anything?"
"Oh no!"
"Then why?" A hot blush mantled her face and neck. Had she been an
English girl I should not probably have had a direct answer; she would
have switched conversation on some safer track, or have, after some
skirmishing, forbidden the topic altogether. This girl's training,
however, had been different. Her equal companionship in study with boys
in school and college had taught her the futility of trying to burke a
question when her antagonist was masculine; and the natural pluck and
dominance--the assertion of individuality which is a part of an American
woman's birthright--brought up her pride. Still blushing, but bearing
herself with additional dignity, she spoke. Had she been more
self-conscious, and could she have seen herself at the moment, she would
have recognised to the full that with so much pride and so much dignity
she could well afford to discuss any topic that she chose.
"The fault is not yours. It is, or it was, my own."
"You mean when I gave you back your brooch?" The blood deepened and
deepened to a painful intensity. In a low voice, in the tone of speech,
but with only the power of a whisper she answered me:
"Yes!" This was my chance and I said with all the earnestness I had, and
which I felt to the full:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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