Mr. Farley did not know what to say. The situation had been forced upon
him unaware and he did not know what to do with it. "This is nonsense,
Alice. Your mother knows that." He held his brow with his hand.
"Why is it nonsense? You've given up most of your life to her, but I
don't see why you should keep on doing it!"
Mr. Farley could not understand what was happening, nor how it was he
felt borne forward on an invisible current that flowed from Alice. He
walked up and down the room. "You mustn't start these things, Alice."
Alice watched him contemptuously. "Don't blame me for the nightmare of
lies and hypocrisy that exists between you and Mamma."
Mr. Farley kept rubbing his head. Then he walked stealthily to the hall
door and closed it. His eyes, as he lifted them to Alice's face, had the
blind awareness of a sheep's. He seemed to know all and to perceive
nothing. "You mustn't misunderstand me, Alice. It is true that a
satisfying companionship cannot exist between me and your mother, but
she and I have made compromises for each other that have made it
possible for us to live, and I can't think lightly of hurting her."
They were silent. Mr. Farley shaded his eyes with an unsteady hand.
"You did go to see Mrs. Wilson tonight, didn't you?" Alice asked after a
minute.
"Yes. She is passing through town. I hadn't seen her for three years."
"My God! You don't need to apologize for it!"
They were quiet again.
"So you don't want to accept anything from Mamma even if she is willing
to give?"
"You don't understand, Alice. That very fact makes me even more
responsible for my own resolutions." His voice shook.
"Look here, Papa, I always imagined you had sacrificed yourself outright
to Mamma's weakness and dependency, and now when you have a chance to
get away from her and live with somebody who is younger whom you seem to
care for, you actually seem to be dodging the issue just as though you
were contented with your situation."
"You must remember that Mrs. Wilson must be considered--that what I
selfishly want----" He stopped. Patiently through all these years he had
strained forward like an animal pulling a loaded cart and, now the cart
was being taken from him, he was disconcerted to find himself still
straining forward pulling at nothingness. Bewildered, he tried to save
his ideal of himself. "You must remember we have never really considered
a divorce possible."
"Well, Papa, of course I can't decide your life for you. If you don't
feel that you owe it to your son----" She turned resolutely.
He felt her scorn. He hated her, but he could not bear to have her go.
He covered his face.
She walked out.
He could hear her run up the stairs, her bare feet making a soft sound.
He wanted to call her back, but he did not know what to say. It was
necessary to him to think well of himself.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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