The Physiology of Marriage, CompleteBalzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Complete
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
Nevertheless, we will admit that your wife has not participated in these
virginal delights, in these premature deviltries. Is she any better
because she has never had any voice in the secret councils of grown-up
girls? No! She will, in any case, have contracted a friendship with
other young ladies, and our computation will be modest, if we attribute
to her no more than two or three intimate friends. Are you certain that
after your wife has left boarding school, her young friends have not
there been admitted to those confidences, in which an attempt is made to
learn in advance, at least by analogy, the pastimes of doves? And then
her friends will marry; you will have four women to watch instead of
one, four characters to divine, and you will be at the mercy of four
husbands and a dozen celibates, of whose life, principles and habits you
are quite ignorant, at a time when our meditations have revealed to
you certain coming of a day when you will have your hands full with the
people whom you married with your wife. Satan alone could have thought
of placing a girl’s boarding school in the middle of a large town!
Madame Campan had at least the wisdom to set up her famous institution
at Ecouen. This sensible precaution proved that she was no ordinary
woman. There, her young ladies did not gaze upon the picture gallery of
the streets, the huge and grotesque figures and the obscene words drawn
by some evil-spirited pencil. They had not perpetually before their eyes
the spectacle of human infirmities exhibited at every barrier in France,
and treacherous book-stalls did not vomit out upon them in secret the
poison of books which taught evil and set passion on fire. This wise
school-mistress, moreover, could only at Ecouen preserve a young lady
for you spotless and pure, if, even there, that were possible. Perhaps
you hope to find no difficulty in preventing your wife from seeing
her school friends? What folly! She will meet them at the ball, at the
theatre, out walking and in the world at large; and how many services
two friends can render each other! But we will meditate upon this new
subject of alarm in its proper place and order.
Nor is this all; if your mother-in-law sent her daughter to a boarding
school, do you believe that this was out of solicitude for her
daughter? A girl of twelve or fifteen is a terrible Argus; and if your
mother-in-law did not wish to have an Argus in her house I should be
inclined to suspect that your mother-in-law belonged undoubtedly to the
most shady section of our honest women. She will, therefore, prove for
her daughter on every occasion either a deadly example or a dangerous
adviser.
Let us stop here!--The mother-in-law requires a whole Meditation for
herself.
So that, whichever way you turn, the bed of marriage, in this
connection, is equally full of thorns.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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