The Prince and BettyWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Prince and Betty
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"True," he said. "True. I think you are right there. My nervous system
is so delicately attuned that anything in the shape of a brawl would
reduce it to a frazzle. I think that, for this occasion only, we will
promote Comrade Maloney to the post of editor. He is a stern, hard,
rugged man who does not care how unpopular he is. Yes, I think that
would be best."
He signed the letters with a firm hand, "per pro P. Maloney, editor."
Then he lit a cigarette, and leaned back in his chair.
"An excellent morning's work," he said. "Already I begin to feel the
dawnings of a new self-respect."
Betty, thinking the thing over, a little dazed by the rapidity of
Smith's method of action, had found a fresh flaw in the scheme.
"If you send Mr. Asher and the others away, how are you going to bring
the paper out at all? You can't write it all yourself."
Smith looked at her with benevolent admiration.
"She thinks of everything," he murmured. "That busy brain is never
still. No, Comrade Brown, I do not propose to write the whole paper
myself. I do not shirk work when it gets me in a corner and I can't
side-step, but there are limits. I propose to apply to a few of my late
companions of Park Row, bright boys who will be delighted to come
across with red-hot stuff for a moderate fee."
"And the proprietor of the paper? Won't he make any objection?"
Smith shook his head with a touch of reproof.
"You seem determined to try to look on the dark side. Do you insinuate
that we are not acting in the proprietor's best interests? When he gets
his check for the receipts, after I have handled the paper awhile, he
will go singing about the streets. His beaming smile will be a byword.
Visitors will be shown it as one of the sights. His only doubt will be
whether to send his money to the bank or keep it in tubs and roll in
it. And anyway," he added, "he's in Europe somewhere, and never sees
the paper, sensible man."
He scratched a speck of dust off his coat-sleeve with his finger nail.
"This is a big thing," he resumed. "Wait till you see the first number
of the new series. My idea is that _Peaceful Moments_ shall become
a pretty warm proposition. Its tone shall be such that the public will
wonder why we do not print it on asbestos. We shall comment on all the
live events of the week--murders, Wall Street scandals, glove fights,
and the like, in a manner which will make our readers' spines thrill.
Above all, we shall be the guardians of the people's rights. We shall
be a spot light, showing up the dark places and bringing into
prominence those who would endeavor in any way to put the people in
Dutch. We shall detect the wrongdoer, and hand him such a series of
resentful wallops that he will abandon his little games and become a
model citizen. In this way we shall produce a bright, readable little
sheet which will make our city sit up and take notice. I think so. I
think so. And now I must be hustling about and seeing our new
contributors. There is no time to waste."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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