When, in 1873, I first joined the University, I was met by some
appreciable disappointments. Above all, I found that I was expected to
feel myself inferior and an alien, because I was a Jew. I refused
absolutely to do the first of these things. I have never been able to
see why I should feel ashamed of my descent or, as people were beginning
to say, of my race. I put up, without much regret, with my nonadmission
to the community; for it seemed to me that in spite of this exclusion an
active fellow-worker could not fail to find some nook or cranny in the
frame-work of humanity. These first impressions at the University,
however, had one consequence which was afterwards to prove important;
for at an early age I was made familiar with the fate of being in the
Opposition and of being put under the ban of the “compact majority.” The
foundations were thus laid for a certain degree of independence of
judgment.
I was compelled, moreover, during my first years at the University, to
make the discovery that the peculiarities and limitations of my gifts
denied me all success in many of the departments of science into which
my youthful eagerness had plunged me. Thus I learned the truth of
Mephistopheles’ warning:
“Vergebens, dass ihr ringsum wissenschaftlich schweift,
Ein jeder lernt nur, was er lernen kann.”[6]
At length, in Ernst Brücke’s physiological laboratory, I found rest and
satisfaction—and men, too, whom I could respect and take as my models.
Brücke gave me a problem to work out in the histology of the nervous
system; I succeeded in solving it to his satisfaction and in carrying
the work further on my own account. I worked at this Institute, with
short interruptions, from 1876 to 1882, and it was generally thought
that I was marked out to fill the next post of Assistant that might fall
vacant there. The various branches of medicine proper, apart from
psychiatry, had no attraction for me. I was decidedly negligent in
pursuing my medical studies, and it was not until 1881 that I took my
somewhat belated degree as a Doctor of Medicine.
The turning point came in 1882, when my teacher, for whom I felt the
highest possible esteem, corrected my father’s generous improvidence by
strongly advising me, in view of my bad financial position, to abandon
my theoretical career. I followed his advice, left the physiological
laboratory and entered the General Hospital[7] as an “Aspirant.” I was
soon afterwards promoted to being a junior physician, and worked in
various departments of the hospital, amongst others for more than six
months under Meynert, by whose work and personality I had been greatly
struck while I was still a student.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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