"Yes," assented Evelyn; "I shouldn't be afraid of harshness from you;
but it seems impossible that I should change. You must see that you
started handicapped from the beginning. Had I been free to choose, it
might have been different; but I have lived for some time in shame and
fear, hating the thought that some one would be forced on me."
He said nothing, and she went on. "Must I tell you? You are the man."
His face grew hard and for a moment he set his lips tight. It would have
been a relief to express his feelings concerning his host just then.
"If you don't hate me for it now, I'm willing to take the risk," he said
at length. "It will be my fault if you hate me in the future; I'll try
not to deserve it."
He imagined she was yielding, but she roused herself with an effort.
"No," she said. "Love on one side may go a long way, if it is strong
enough--but it must be strong to overcome the many clashes of thought
and will. Yours"--she looked at him steadily--"would not stand the
strain."
Vane started. "You are the only woman I ever wished to marry." He paused
with a forcible gesture. "What can I say to convince you?"
She smiled softly. "I'm afraid it's impossible. If you had wanted me
greatly, you would have pressed the claim you had in saving Mopsy, and I
would have forgiven you that; you would have urged any and every claim.
As it is, I suppose I am pretty"--her lips curled scornfully--"and you
find some of your ideas and mine agree. It isn't half enough. Shall I
tell you that you are scarcely moved as yet?"
It flashed upon Vane that he was confronted with the reality. Her beauty
had appealed to him, but without rousing passion, for there was little
of the sensual in this man. Her other qualities, her reserved
graciousness, which had a tinge of dignity in it; her insight and
comprehension, had also had their effect; but they had only awakened
admiration and respect. He desired her as one desires an object for its
rarity and preciousness; but this, as she had told him, was not enough.
Behind her physical and mental attributes, and half revealed by them,
there was something deeper: the real personality of the girl. It was
elusive, mystic, with a spark of immaterial radiance which might
brighten human love with its transcendent glow; but, as he dimly
realised, if he won her by force, it might recede and vanish altogether.
He could not, with strong ardour, compel its clearer manifestation.
"I think I am as moved as it is possible for me to be," he said.
Evelyn shook her head. "No; you will discover the difference some day,
and then you will thank me for leaving you your liberty. Now I beg you
to leave me mine and let me go."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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