Domestic fiction; Family -- England -- Midlands -- Fiction; Midlands (England) -- Fiction
His eyes grew round, he did not know where he was. How could she, his
own wife, say such a thing? But she sat there, small and foreign and
separate. It dawned upon him she did not consider herself his wife,
except in so far as they agreed. She did not feel she had married him.
At any rate, she was willing to allow he might want another woman. A
gap, a space opened before him.
“No,” he said slowly. “What other woman should I want?”
“Like your brother,” she said.
He was silent for some time, ashamed also.
“What of her?” he said. “I didn’t like the woman.”
“Yes, you liked her,” she answered persistently.
He stared in wonder at his own wife as she told him his own heart so
callously. And he was indignant. What right had she to sit there
telling him these things? She was his wife, what right had she to speak
to him like this, as if she were a stranger.
“I didn’t,” he said. “I want no woman.”
“Yes, you would like to be like Alfred.”
His silence was one of angry frustration. He was astonished. He had
told her of his visit to Wirksworth, but briefly, without interest, he
thought.
As she sat with her strange dark face turned towards him, her eyes
watched him, inscrutable, casting him up. He began to oppose her. She
was again the active unknown facing him. Must he admit her? He resisted
involuntarily.
“Why should you want to find a woman who is more to you than me?” she
said.
The turbulence raged in his breast.
“I don’t,” he said.
“Why do you?” she repeated. “Why do you want to deny me?”
Suddenly, in a flash, he saw she might be lonely, isolated, unsure. She
had seemed to him the utterly certain, satisfied, absolute, excluding
him. Could she need anything?
“Why aren’t you satisfied with me?—I’m not satisfied with you. Paul
used to come to me and take me like a man does. You only leave me alone
or take me like your cattle, quickly, to forget me again—so that you
can forget me again.”
“What am I to remember about you?” said Brangwen.
“I want you to know there is somebody there besides yourself.”
“Well, don’t I know it?”
“You come to me as if it was for nothing, as if I was nothing there.
When Paul came to me, I was something to him—a woman, I was. To you I
am nothing—it is like cattle—or nothing——”
“You make me feel as if _I_ was nothing,” he said.
They were silent. She sat watching him. He could not move, his soul was
seething and chaotic. She turned to her sewing again. But the sight of
her bent before him held him and would not let him be. She was a
strange, hostile, dominant thing. Yet not quite hostile. As he sat he
felt his limbs were strong and hard, he sat in strength.
She was silent for a long time, stitching. He was aware, poignantly, of
the round shape of her head, very intimate, compelling. She lifted her
head and sighed. The blood burned in him, her voice ran to him like
fire.
“Come here,” she said, unsure.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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