Domestic fiction; Family -- England -- Midlands -- Fiction; Midlands (England) -- Fiction
She had some beliefs somewhere, never defined. She had been brought up
a Roman Catholic. She had gone to the Church of England for protection.
The outward form was a matter of indifference to her. Yet she had some
fundamental religion. It was as if she worshipped God as a mystery,
never seeking in the least to define what He was.
And inside her, the subtle sense of the Great Absolute wherein she had
her being was very strong. The English dogma never reached her: the
language was too foreign. Through it all she felt the great Separator
who held life in His hands, gleaming, imminent, terrible, the Great
Mystery, immediate beyond all telling.
She shone and gleamed to the Mystery, Whom she knew through all her
senses, she glanced with strange, mystic superstitions that never found
expression in the English language, never mounted to thought in
English. But so she lived, within a potent, sensuous belief that
included her family and contained her destiny.
To this she had reduced her husband. He existed with her entirely
indifferent to the general values of the world. Her very ways, the very
mark of her eyebrows were symbols and indication to him. There, on the
farm with her, he lived through a mystery of life and death and
creation, strange, profound ecstasies and incommunicable satisfactions,
of which the rest of the world knew nothing; which made the pair of
them apart and respected in the English village, for they were also
well-to-do.
But Anna was only half safe within her mother’s unthinking knowledge.
She had a mother-of-pearl rosary that had been her own father’s. What
it meant to her she could never say. But the string of moonlight and
silver, when she had it between her fingers, filled her with strange
passion. She learned at school a little Latin, she learned an Ave Maria
and a Pater Noster, she learned how to say her rosary. But that was no
good. “Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum, Benedicta tu in
mulieribus et benedictus fructus ventris tui Jesus. Ave Maria, Sancta
Maria, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc et in hora mortis nostrae,
Amen.”
It was not right, somehow. What these words meant when translated was
not the same as the pale rosary meant. There was a discrepancy, a
falsehood. It irritated her to say, “Dominus tecum,” or, “benedicta tu
in mulieribus.” She loved the mystic words, “Ave Maria, Sancta Maria;”
she was moved by “benedictus fructus ventris tui Jesus,” and by “nunc
et in hora mortis nostrae.” But none of it was quite real. It was not
satisfactory, somehow.
She avoided her rosary, because, moving her with curious passion as it
did, it _meant_ only these not very significant things. She put it
away. It was her instinct to put all these things away. It was her
instinct to avoid thinking, to avoid it, to save herself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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