The Romance of His Life, and Other RomancesCholmondeley, Mary
General
The Romance of His Life, and Other Romances
Cholmondeley, Mary
Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Short stories
"And so you can do things like that," he said, turning towards Blanche a
face contracted with pain, and pointing a lean finger at the goldfish,
and the chrysanthemum shadow, propped side by side on the mantel piece.
"Yes."
"Where were you taught?"
She mentioned the school where she had studied.
"Why did you leave it?"
"Because Mother died, and I had not any money to go on with my
education."
"And so you married for a home I suppose," he snarled, showing his black
teeth, "for silken gowns and delicate fare and costly furs such as you
are wearing now."
She did not answer.
"You had better have gone on the streets and stuck to your painting."
Blanche's dark eyes met the painter's horrible leer without flinching.
"I wish I had," she said.
They had both forgotten me. They were intent upon each other.
And she who never spoke about herself said to this stranger:
"I married because I did not want to go into a sisterhood, and because
Arthur said he understood what I felt about painting, and that he felt
the same, and that when we were married we would both study under S.,
and I was grateful to him, and I thought I loved him. But S. would not
take him and wanted to take me. And Arthur was dreadfully angry, and
would not let me go without him. And the years passed, hundreds and
hundreds of years, and Arthur changed to me. And he has to be humoured.
And now--I copy his pictures. I enlarge them. Sometimes I decrease them,
but not often. He likes to watch me doing them. He does not care for me
to be doing anything else."
There was a long silence.
They stood looking at each other, and it seemed as if the sword that had
pierced her soul pierced his also.
"Leave all and follow me," said the painter at last. "That is the voice
of art, as well as of Jesus of Nazareth. That is the law. There is no
middle course. You have not left all, you have not followed. You have
dallied and faltered and betrayed your gift. You have denied your Lord.
And your sin has found you out. You are miserable; you deserve to be
miserable."
She made no answer.
"But you are at the end of your tether. I know what I know. You can't go
on. You are nineteen and your life is unendurable to you. You are
touching the fringe of despair. Break away from your life before it
breaks you. Shake its dust from off your feet. Forsake all and find
peace in following your art."
"You might as well say to the goldfish, jump out," said Blanche, white
to the lips, pointing to the picture.
"I do say to him, 'Jump out.' Leap in the dark, and risk dying on a
vulgar Axminster carpet, and being trodden into it, rather than pine in
prison on sponge cake."
"Yes," said Blanche fiercely, "but there is the wire netting. It's not
in the picture, but _you know it's there_. He jumps and jumps. Haven't I
said so in the picture! And it throws him back. You know that. I was
like him once. I used to jump, but I always fell back. I don't jump any
more now."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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