Fantasy fiction; Science fiction; Spouses -- Fiction; Subconsciousness -- Fiction
"You make a move out of this car," she threatened, "and you'll be only
a ghost of a ghost when I get through with you." Then, swinging the car
door open, she joined the dark Blemishes in a streaking dash toward the
entrance of the hotel.
* * * * *
On the fifth floor of the Wynant, Mrs. Hunter Reynolds sat rigidly in
her bathtub and stared with fixed horror at the face which had just
appeared upside down at her bathroom window. An old belle of the old
South, Mrs. Hunter Reynolds had ventured into the North expecting only
the worst. Now the worst had happened.
The shaken lady gripped the sides of her tub and tried hard to prevent
herself from sinking to a watery grave. She closed her eyes and
reasoned sternly with herself; it was all a trick of the imagination;
even a damnyankee head couldn't do the disgraceful thing this crazy
head was doing. And then her eyes flew wildly open as the room suddenly
dinned with a shouted plea for help.
At this point Mrs. Hunter Reynolds had a plea of her own to shout. "God
in heaven, sir!" she said, trying desperately to maintain some last
shred of dignity now that all decency was gone. "God in heaven, stop
invadin' my privacy this way. I ask it in the name of the South."
"Help me!" Marc panted. "Come pull me in!"
Mrs. Hunter Reynolds started in her tub. "You're speakin' to a lady,
sir!" she gasped. "Please go away. My water's gettin' cold."
"I can't help your water," Marc said unhappily.
"Sir!" the southern lady cried. "I'm not askin' you to help my water.
I'm askin' you to leave my water entirely alone."
"Delighted," Marc wheezed. "I wouldn't touch your water with a ten foot
thermometer, I'll close my eyes if you'll just give me a hand."
"If I give you a hand, sir," Mrs. Hunter Reynolds said coolly, "it will
be across your insultin' damnyankee mouth. If you don't leave instantly
I'll call my husband, the Colonel."
"For heaven's sake, call him!" Marc implored. "He can help me."
"It's more likely he'll whip you within an inch of your life." Mrs.
Hunter Reynolds said stoutly. Swirling about in her suds, she faced the
doorway, prepared to scream, then turned back to Marc.
"First, sir," she said. "Would you do me the pleasure of tellin' me if
you are a whole damnyankee or only a damnyankee head?"
"I'm a whole damn ... I'm whole," Marc said.
"Thank you, sir," Mrs. Hunter Reynolds said with a slight bow. Then she
opened her mouth wide and screamed with unbelievable feeling and vigor.
"Hunter!" she shrieked. "Hunter! There's a whole damnyankee invadin' my
privacy!"
Even before she had stopped screaming the door to the bathroom burst
open and Col. Hunter Reynolds charged into view, obviously prepared to
defend southern chivalry to the end, if necessary. Needing only a julep
in his hand to complete the picture, he was a fair caricature of all
southern colonels.
"Damnyankee, did you say!" he thundered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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