The Southern Literary Messenger, Vol. I., No. 13, September, 1835Various
History
The Southern Literary Messenger, Vol. I., No. 13, September, 1835
Various
American literature -- 19th century -- Periodicals
The day died away, and I was aware that it was growing dark--yet the
same terrible conceit still overwhelmed me. Nor was it confined to the
boundaries of the apartment--it extended, although in a more definite
manner, to all objects, and, perhaps I will not be understood in
saying that it extended also to all _sentiments_. My fingers as they
lay cold, clammy, stiff, and pressing helplessly one against another,
were, in my imagination, swelled to a size according with the
proportions of the Antoeus. Every portion of my frame betook of their
enormity. The pieces of money--I well remember--which being placed
upon my eyelids, failed to keep them effectually closed, seemed huge,
interminable chariot-wheels of the Olympia, or of the Sun.
Yet it is very singular that I experienced no sense of weight--of
gravity. On the contrary I was put to much inconvenience by that
buoyancy--that tantalizing _difficulty of keeping down_, which is felt
by the swimmer in deep water. Amid the tumult of my terrors I laughed
with a hearty internal laugh to think what incongruity there would
be--could I arise and walk--between the elasticity of my motion, and
the mountain of my form.
* * * * *
The night came--and with it a new crowd of horrors. The consciousness
of my approaching interment, began to assume new distinctness, and
consistency--yet never for one moment did I imagine _that I was not
actually dead_.
"This then"--I mentally ejaculated--"this darkness which is palpable,
and oppresses with a sense of suffocation--this--this--is indeed
_death_. This is death--this is death the terrible--death the holy.
This is the death undergone by Regulus--and equally by Seneca.
Thus--thus, too, shall I always remain--always--always remain. Reason
is folly, and Philosophy a lie. No one will know my sensations, my
horror--my despair. Yet will men still persist in reasoning, and
philosophizing, and making themselves fools. There is, I find, no
hereafter but this. This--this--this--is the only Eternity!--and what,
O Baalzebub!--_what_ an Eternity!--to lie in this vast--this awful
void--a hideous, vague, and unmeaning anomaly--motionless, yet wishing
for motion--powerless, yet longing for power--forever, forever, and
forever!"
But the morning broke at length--and with its misty and gloomy dawn
arrived in triple horror the paraphernalia of the grave. Then--and not
till then--was I fully sensible of the fearful fate hanging over me.
The phantasms of the night had faded away with its shadows, and the
actual terrors of the yawning tomb left me no heart for the bug-bear
speculations of Transcendentalism.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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