"Nora," I said, "I am only a girl like yourself, so don't be frightened
of me. I always thought you a good girl, Nora, but I saw you walking
yesterday in the wood with Mr. Dawson of Damerstown, and you were like
lovers, and that ought not to be so unless you are going to marry him."
"Oh, Miss Bawn!"
Poor Nora's face was covered with confusion, and I am sure I blushed as
hotly as she did, yet I was conscious of a cold, shrinking feeling from
this courtship between her and Richard Dawson which I was sure could
lead to no good.
"It isn't right, Nora," I said.
"God help me! I know that, Miss Bawn," she said, looking at me with
frightened eyes. "I've tried to give it up; I've tried to resist him,
but I can't. There's something stronger than myself that drives me to
him. I love him, Miss Bawn, so I do; and I can't help it that he's a
rich gentleman and I'm only a poor girl. If you ever loved any one
yourself, Miss Bawn, you'd know."
"I do know, Nora," I said. I knew that if Anthony Cardew lifted his
finger to me I would follow him over the world. "I do know. But it can
only end in misery, unless Mr. Dawson were willing to marry you."
"He has never said a word about marriage. But you mustn't think he's
bad, Miss Bawn. 'Tis my own fault, for I love him so much, and he can't
help seeing it. But he's never said a word he mightn't say to a lady.
There's the kissing----"
"Yes, there's the kissing. It oughtn't to be, Nora." As I said it I felt
what a poor hypocrite I was, for I could never have resisted Anthony
Cardew if he had wished to kiss me, never, never, no matter what trouble
or misery it involved. "You ought to go away, Nora, out of the reach of
temptation. There is no one dependent on you; no one for whose sake you
need dread to go. The only thing would be to go away."
"I've thought of it, Miss Bawn, but sure, if he wanted me I'd only have
to come back."
There was something in her voice that frightened me; it sounded so
hopeless, so without any capacity for resistance.
"My aunt is own maid to Lady Garmoy," she went on. "She could get me a
place in her ladyship's household, under herself. I might go, but, Miss
Bawn, I'd never know the day nor the hour he mightn't draw me back to
him. All the same, you mustn't think me a bad girl, Miss Bawn. It isn't
right for him or for me; sure, I know it isn't. I can't say my prayers
as I used to. But if I went among strangers I couldn't tell the day or
the hour it 'ud be too much for me, and I'd be stealing out of the house
and taking the train back. It isn't as if there was some one I could
tell, some one that would hold me, that I could run to when the fit was
on me."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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