The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great InvasionWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Swoop! or, How Clarence Saved England: A Tale of the Great Invasion
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Boy Scouts -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Imaginary wars and battles -- Fiction; Satire
Prince Otto of Saxe-Pfennig lay sleeping in his tent at Tottenham. He
was worn out. In addition to the strain of the battle, there had been
the heavy work of seeing the interviewers, signing autograph-books,
sitting to photographers, writing testimonials for patent medicines,
and the thousand and one other tasks, burdensome but unavoidable, of
the man who is in the public eye. Also he had caught a bad cold during
the battle. A bottle of ammoniated quinine lay on the table beside him
now as he slept.
* * * * *
As he lay there the flap of the tent was pulled softly aside. Two
figures entered. Each was dressed in a flat-brimmed hat, a coloured
handkerchief, a flannel shirt, football shorts, stockings, brown boots,
and a whistle. Each carried a hockey-stick. One, however, wore
spectacles and a look of quiet command which showed that he was the
leader.
They stood looking at the prostrate general for some moments. Then the
spectacled leader spoke.
"Scout-Master Wagstaff."
The other saluted.
"Wake him!"
Scout-Master Wagstaff walked to the side of the bed, and shook the
sleeper's shoulder. The Prince grunted, and rolled over on to his other
side. The Scout-Master shook him again. He sat up, blinking.
As his eyes fell on the quiet, stern, spectacled figure, he leaped from
the bed.
"What--what--what," he stammered. "What's the beadig of this?"
He sneezed as he spoke, and, turning to the table, poured out and
drained a bumper of ammoniated quinine.
"I told the sedtry pardicularly not to let adybody id. Who are you?"
The intruder smiled quietly.
"My name is Clarence Chugwater," he said simply.
"Jugwater? Dod't doe you frob Adab. What do you want? If you're forb
sub paper, I cad't see you now. Cub to-borrow bordig."
"I am from no paper."
"Thed you're wud of these photographers. I tell you, I cad't see you."
"I am no photographer."
"Thed what are you?"
The other drew himself up.
"I am England," he said with a sublime gesture.
"Igglud! How do you bead you're Igglud? Talk seds."
Clarence silenced him with a frown.
"I say I am England. I am the Chief Scout, and the Scouts are England.
Prince Otto, you thought this England of ours lay prone and helpless.
You were wrong. The Boy Scouts were watching and waiting. And now their
time has come. Scout-Master Wagstaff, do your duty."
The Scout-Master moved forward. The Prince, bounding to the bed, thrust
his hand under the pillow. Clarence's voice rang out like a trumpet.
"Cover that man!"
The Prince looked up. Two feet away Scout-Master Wagstaff was standing,
catapult in hand, ready to shoot.
"He is never known to miss," said Clarence warningly.
The Prince wavered.
"He has broken more windows than any other boy of his age in South
London."
The Prince sullenly withdrew his hand--empty.
"Well, whad do you wad?" he snarled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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