Married women -- Fiction; Mothers -- Fiction; Women authors -- Fiction
He saw her as he--and Ted!--had seen her one April day when she was but
twelve years old; a slender, black-haired, dreaming-eyed child, lying
upon the pale, spring grass and looking up into the flowering
cherry-tree branches above her head; a child who was herself an
embodied poem, so akin she was to all of April's magic, to the spring's
lovely miracles. He saw her, too, in his class-room, eager, earnest,
exquisitely responsive to every perception, every thought of his own; a
little girl while he was already a man, and yet his comrade, his
comrade in every phase of life had he but discerned and willed it! He
saw her as a young girl, with her pure eyes and her generous mouth and
her sweet, slender throat; a being still untouched by life, but
beautifully ready, touchingly desirous for life's shaping hands. And
he saw her as she had been yesterday, walking by his side, the woman at
last--yet strangely immature, incomplete. He had thought her immature
and incomplete because she had not developed her gift. Now there came
to him another thought--bred of all those flashing pictures of her in
which she seemed so much his own--the thought that she was incomplete
because she had not really loved.
It was impossible that she should really love Ted; Ted who could give
neither comprehension nor response to the greater part of her nature.
It was impossible! He had felt that at the time of her marriage; he
remembered now how resentfully! He had felt it when Mrs. Caldwell had
shown him--only too convincingly--how that marriage had occurred. He
had cried out to Mrs. Caldwell that Sheila must have loved Ted, but he
had realized, then, that she had not. And he realized it now. It had
been love's hour with her, but it had not been love. It had not been
love because he himself, who could have given her such a love as she
needed, who could have compelled such a love from her, had failed her.
Back and forth he paced in his little room; a creature caged, not by
mere walls, but by an irreparable mistake; a creature agonized and
helpless. For it was too late for this vision of utter truth now. His
life was spoiled--and hers!
Yes, he had spoiled her life! For a little while, he forgot his own
disaster in contemplating hers. He had said that he was not the right
man for her; but with all his soul and all his brain and all his blood,
he knew that he was the right man for her. Throughout her whole life
she had turned to him with that simple trust which is bred of love, or
at least of potential love, alone. She had said to him once--long
ago--with an innocent and tender wonder, "There is nothing I cannot
tell you, Peter--nothing!" And that had been true--until Ted had lured
her into bondage. While she had been free, there had not been a door
in her heart or her spirit that would not have opened at his touch.
She had been his--his for the taking! And he had not taken her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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