"George, old fellow, you can't imagine what a joy it was to see you at
that place to-night! You haven't realised it yet--you don't know what I
went through before I plucked up courage to speak to you. You're the
only living creature I used to know that I _can_ know now--the only
one--the only one on earth. I know them, but I daren't--daren't--let
them know me. It gets very, very, very lonely sometimes----"
Lonely sometimes! My heart ached for him. It seemed to me that that
loneliness was a gulf that all the pity in the universe could not fill.
No, I had not realised. I had thought I had, but I hadn't. It now came
quite home to me that, while he was free to make a new acquaintance at
any moment he pleased, that acquaintance could hardly last longer than
the moment in which it was made. For say it lasted for three weeks. At
the end of those three weeks the hand he had taken would be three weeks
older, but his own hand might be a hundred weeks younger. And so it must
go on: hail--and farewell. He, beyond measure gifted, was denied this
gift. He could not stop by the way to make a single friend. For others
the calm and gentle progress to age, the greetings among themselves, the
accosting by the loved familiar name; but Derwent Rose had no name.
Without a name Daphne Bassett had set a dog on him; what would she have
set on him had he said "I'm Derwent Rose"? Lightning was safer to handle
than that name of his. It might miss--but it might hit, make mad, kill.
Sooner or later, I supposed, I should have to tell him that Julia
Oliphant knew as much about his state as I knew myself. I had had no
shadow of right to betray him to her thus. But in the meantime he was
resolved that he would not turn that voltage of his identity either on
to her or anybody else.
III
In its way, one of the most singular portions of our conversation
occurred when I asked him how he was placed as regards money. After all
he must have money. Even a man who lives his life backwards must eat and
have his boots soled, and pay twenty-five shillings a week for a loft
over a garage. At first he seemed reluctant to answer me.
"I'm afraid I ran through rather a lot just at first," he said
hesitatingly--his first admission that he had not inhabited Trenchard's
garret for the whole of the time since I had last seen him. "But that
will be all right. I can make lots of money."
"How?" ("Not by that book of yours," I said emphatically to myself.)
"Oh, you needn't worry about that. I assure you I can. I've thought it
all out most carefully."
"I wish you'd tell me."
Then, eagerly, jerkily, he unfolded his maddest idea yet.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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