"Dear Stuart," she had written. "You told me once that no one
should send you away--not even I--unless I proved myself stronger
than you. To-day you accused me of being the dupe of your
enemies--and you are going--not because I am strong enough to
banish you, but because you think me too weak to be trusted with
your love. Without absolute trust we could never hope for
happiness. So this isn't a plea, Stuart. It's not even an
apology--except that I freely acknowledge a large share of
fault--but I can't let you go without thanking you for all the
gallant sacrifices you have made and for all the ways in which you
have sought to stand between me and distress. Until to-day you
have, under fire, proven true to your code of knighthood, and
to-day I could forget--but could you? Of all the things I have ever
said to you, of love, I have no syllable to retract. Even now I
repeat it. I love you absolutely. When I suggested your leaving for
a time I did a desperately hard thing--and you misunderstood it.
Unless you can understand it, dear, it would do no good to come
back, it would only mean other humiliating memories. This is not an
easy letter to write and it's not well done. If your attitude of
this afternoon is anything more than the delusion of anger--in
other words, if your love is not one of complete trust, it's better
that we shouldn't see each other again. If you can come in the
spirit that I can receive you, to-day can be erased as if it had
never happened--but until I have your answer (given after you have
searched your heart) I shall be--but that is neither here nor
there."
Tollman, who was taking supper at the manse that evening, noted the
pallor of her face, but made no comment. He had, in fact, already
divined a lover's quarrel and that was a thing into which even the most
friendly interference might well bring rebuff. But he was not surprised,
on leaving, to find Conscience waylaying him at the front door with an
envelope in her hand, which she asked him to post without fail in the
morning when after his invariable custom he drove to the village post
office. Within the last few days the invalid's irritability had taken
the form of intense dislike for the jingle of the telephone and in
deference to his whim it had been disconnected. Consequently the family
friend had of late both mailed and delivered notes between the lovers
and knew the handwriting of each.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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