The Vegetable; or, From President to PostmanFitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
General
The Vegetable; or, From President to Postman
Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
American drama -- 20th century
CHARLOTTE [_aloud, but to herself_]. It doesn’t say where he is. It just
says that he’s well and comfortable. And that he’s doing what he wants
to do and what he’s got to do. And he says that doing his work makes him
happy. [_With suspicion._] I wonder if he’s in some dive.... If I wrote
him a letter do you think you could find him with it, Mr. Postman?
JERRY. Yes, I can find him.
CHARLOTTE. I want to tell him that if he’ll come home I won’t nag him
any more, that I won’t try to change him, and that I won’t fuss at him
for being poor.
JERRY. I’ll tell him that.
CHARLOTTE [_again talking to herself_]. I was trying to nag him _into_
something, I guess. Before we were married I always thought there must
be some sort of mysterious brave things he did when he wasn’t with me. I
thought that maybe sometimes he’d sneak away to hunt bears. But when
he’d sneak away it was just to roll dice for cigars down at the corner.
It wasn’t forests--it was just--toothpicks.
JERRY. Suppose that he was nothing but a postman now--like me.
CHARLOTTE. I’ll be proud of him if he’s a postman, because I know he
always wanted to be one. He’d be the best postman in the world and
there’s something kind of exciting about being the best. It wasn’t so
much that I wanted him to be rich, I guess, but I wanted him to do
something he wouldn’t always be beat at. I was sort of glad he got drunk
that night. It was about the first exciting thing he ever did.
JERRY. You never would of told him that.
CHARLOTTE [_stiffening_]. I should say I wouldn’t of.
_Jerry rises._
JERRY. I’ll try to get him here at six o’clock.
CHARLOTTE. I’ll be waiting. [_Quickly._] Tell him to stop by a store and
get some rubbers.
JERRY. I’ll tell him. Good-by.
CHARLOTTE. Good-by.
_Jerry goes out into the rain, Charlotte sits down and bows her
head upon the table._
_Again there are steps on the porch. This time it is Dada, who
comes in, closing a dripping umbrella._
DADA [_as one who has passed through a great crisis_]. I borrowed an
umbrella from a man at the library.
CHARLOTTE [_in a muffled voice_]. Jerry’s coming back.
DADA. Is he? A man at the library was kind enough to lend me his
umbrella. [_He goes over to the bookcase and begins an unsuccessful
search for the Scriptures. Plaintively_]. Some one has hidden my Bible.
CHARLOTTE. In the second shelf.
_He finds it. As he pulls it from its place, several other books
come with it and tumble to the floor. After a glance at Charlotte,
he kicks them under the bookcase. Then, with his Bible under his
arm, he starts for the stairs, but is attracted by something bright
on the first stair, and attempts, unsuccessfully, to pick it up._
DADA. Hello, here’s a nail that looks like a ten-cent piece.
_He goes up-stairs. When he is half-way up, there is a sound as if
he had slipped back a notch, then silence._
CHARLOTTE [_raising her head_]. Are you all right, Dada?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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