The Vegetable; or, From President to PostmanFitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
General
The Vegetable; or, From President to Postman
Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
American drama -- 20th century
CHARLOTTE. He isn’t a brute like you. He’s been kidnapped.
SNOOKS. Maybe he’s joined the Marine Corpse.... Howsoever, if he ain’t
here I guess I’ll be movin’ on.
CHARLOTTE. What do you want of him now? Do you want to sell him some
more wood alcohol?
SNOOKS. Lady, I don’t handle no wood alcohol. But I found a way of
getting the grain alcohol out of iodine an’ practically eliminatin’ the
poison. Just leaves a faint brownish tinge.
CHARLOTTE. Go away.
SNOOKS. All right. I’ll beat it.
_So he beats it._
_Charlotte’s getting desperate from such encounters. With gathering
nervousness she wanders about the room, almost collapsing when she
comes upon one of Jerry’s coats hanging behind a door. Scarcely
aware of what she’s doing, she puts on the coat and buttons it
close, as if imagining that Jerry is holding her to him in the
brief and half-forgotten season of their honeymoon._
_Outside a storm is come up. It has grown dark suddenly, and a
faint drum of thunder lengthens into a cataract of doom. A louder
rolling now and a great snake of lightning in the sky. Charlotte,
lonesome and frightened, hurriedly closes the windows. Then, in
sudden panic, she runs to the ’phone._
CHARLOTTE. Summit 3253.... Hello, this is me. This is Charlotte.... Is
Doris there? Do you know where she is?... Well, if she comes in tell her
to run over. Everything’s getting dark and I’m frightened.... Yes,
_may_be somebody’ll come in, but _no_body goes out in a storm like this.
Even the policeman on the corner has gotten under a tree.... Well, I’ll
be all right. I’m just lonesome, I guess, and scared.... Good-by.
_She rings off and stands silently by the table. The storm reaches
its height. Simultaneously with a terrific burst of thunder that
sets the windows rattling the front door blows open suddenly,
letting in a heavy gust of rain._
_Charlotte is on the verge of hysterics._
_Then there is a whistle outside--the bright, mellow whistle of the
postman. She springs up, clasping her hands together. Jerry comes
in, covered with a rain cape dripping water. The hood of the cape
partially conceals his face._
JERRY [_cheerfully_]. Well, it certainly is a rotten day.
CHARLOTTE [_starting at the voice_]. It’s awful.
JERRY. But I heard there was a lady here that was expecting a letter,
and I had one that I thought’d do, so no rain or anything could keep me
from delivering it.
CHARLOTTE [_greedily_]. A letter for me? Let me have it.
_He hands it to her and she tears it open._
It’s from Jerry!
_She reads it quickly._
JERRY. Is it what you wanted?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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