“Did you notice no suspicious character about the neighborhood?” said a magistrate to an inexperienced policeman. “Shure, yer hanner,” replied the policeman, “I saw but one man, an’ I asked him what he was doing there at that time o’ night? Sez he, ‘I have no business here just now, but I expect to open a jewelry sthore in the vicinity later on.’ At that I sez, ‘I wish you success, sor.’” “Yes,” said the magistrate, “and he did open a jewelry store in the vicinity later on, and stole seventeen watches.” “Begorra, yer hanner,” answered the constable after a pause, “the man may have been a thafe, but he was no liar!” * * * * * “Bridget, I don’t think it is quite the thing for you to entertain company in the kitchen.” “Don’t ye worry, mum. Shure, an’ oi wouldn’t be afther deprivin’ ye o’ th’ parler.” * * * * * An old lady in Dublin, weighing about sixteen stone, engaged a car-driver to convey her to a North Wall steamer. Arrived there, she handed the driver his legal fare—sixpence. Gazing disconsolately at the coin in his hand, and then at the fat old lady, he exclaimed as he turned away—“I’ll lave ye to the Almoighty, ma’am!” * * * * * “Prisoner,” demanded a magistrate of a man charged with begging, “have you any visible means of support?” “Yes, yer honor,” replied the prisoner, and then turning to his wife who was in court, he said, “Bridget, stand up, so that the coort can see yez!” * * * * *