My situation was, to say the least, a most extraordinary one. Valiantly
I strove to rid myself of the obsession which constantly crept upon me
whenever my attention was not actually distracted by the new existence
that had so mysteriously been opened up to me. For a little while I
would let my mind dwell upon the terrifying thought that I was entirely
helpless in the hands of one who was, without doubt, unscrupulous. I
had pledged my honour to keep secret that appalling midnight crime, and
to act always as directed. Edna herself, the woman whose voice sounded
so tender, whose hands were so small and soft to the touch, had forced
me to this. To her alone was due this state of constant anxiety as to
what might next be demanded of me. The thought would creep upon me, now
pausing, now advancing, until at length it wrapped me round and round,
and stifled out my breath, like a death-mask of cold clay. Then my
heart would sink, my sight seemed to die, even sound would die until
there seemed an awful void--the void of death for ever and for ever
dumb, a dreadful, conquering silence.
A thousand times I regretted that I had in that moment of my utter
helplessness given my promise to conceal the mysterious crime. Yet,
when I recollected with what extraordinary ingenuity I had been deceived
by the man whom I had believed to be a police-constable, the deep
cunning which had been displayed in obtaining from my lips a statement
of all the facts I knew, and the subsequent actions of the cool-headed
Edna, my mind became confused. I could see no solution of the
extraordinary problem, save that I believed her to be deeply implicated
in some plot which had culminated in the murder of the young man, and
that she herself had some strong personal motive in concealing the
terrible truth.
With the return of my vision my sense of hearing had, curiously enough,
become both weakened and distorted. Sounds I had heard when blind
presented quite a different impression now that I could see. The blind
hear where those with eyesight can detect nothing. The ears of the
former train themselves to act as eyes also, yet the moment the vision
is recovered the sharpened sense of hearing again assumes its normal
capacity. Hence I found that I could not distinguish voices and sounds
so quickly as before; indeed, the voices of those about me sounded some
how different now I had recovered my sight.
My friends, into whose circle they declared I had returned like one from
the grave, welcomed me everywhere, and I confess that, notwithstanding
the oppression constantly upon me, I enjoyed myself to the top of my
bent. I still remained in my dingy, smoke-grimed rooms in Essex Street,
really more for Parker's sake than for my own, and also, of course, in
order to be near Dick when he returned, but nearly every evening I was
out somewhere or other, going here and there about town.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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