American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"I must ask you to leave this room at once," she announced. The
Principal started and then sat back. Teacher's eyes were dangerous, and
the Honorable Tim might profit by a lesson. "You've frightened the child
until he can't breathe. I can do nothing with him while you remain. The
examination is ended. You may go."
Now Mr. O'Shea saw he had gone a little too far in his effort to create
the proper dramatic setting for his clemency. He had not expected the
young woman to "rise" quite so far and high. His deprecating
half-apology, half-eulogy, gave Morris the opportunity he craved.
"Teacher," he panted; "I wants to whisper mit you in the ear."
With a dexterous movement he knelt upon her lap and tore out his
solitary safety-pin. He then clasped her tightly and made his
explanation. He began in the softest of whispers, which increased in
volume as it did in interest, so that he reached the climax at the full
power of his boy soprano voice.
"Teacher, Missis Bailey, I know you know what year stands. On'y it's
polite I tells you something, und I had a fraid the while the 'comp'ny
mit the whiskers' sets und rubbers. But, Teacher, it's like this: your
jumper's sticking out und you could to take mine safety-pin."
He had understood so little of all that had passed that he was beyond
being surprised by the result of this communication. Miss Bailey had
gathered him into her arms and had cried in a queer helpless way. And as
she cried she had said over and over again: "Morris, how could you? Oh,
how could you, dear? How could you?"
The Principal and "the comp'ny mit whiskers" looked solemnly at one
another for a struggling moment, and had then broken into laughter, long
and loud, until the visiting authority was limp and moist. The children
waited in polite uncertainty, but when Miss Bailey, after some
indecision, had contributed a wan smile, which later grew into a shaky
laugh, the First-Reader Class went wild.
Then the Honorable Timothy arose to say good-by. He reiterated his
praise of the singing and reading, the blackboard work and the moral
tone. An awkward pause ensued, during which the Principal engaged the
young Gonorowskys in impromptu conversation. The Honorable Tim crossed
over to Miss Bailey's side and steadied himself for a great effort.
"Teacher," he began meekly, "I tells you 'scuse. This sort of thing
makes a man feel like a bull in a china shop. Do you think the little
fellow will shake hands with me? I was really only joking."
"But surely he will," said Miss Bailey, as she glanced down at the
tangle of dark curls resting against her breast. "Morris, dear, aren't
you going to say good-by to the gentleman?"
Morris relaxed one hand from its grasp on his lady and bestowed it on
Mr. O'Shea.
"Good-by," said he gently. "I gives you presents, from gold presents,
the while you're friends mit Teacher. I'm loving much mit her, too."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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