S'pose ma uncle die an' lef me honder dollar, mebbe two-- An' I don't tak' hees advice--me--for put heem on de bank-- 'Stead o' dat, some lot'rie ticket, to see w'at I can do, An' purty soon I'm findin' put dey're w'at you call de blank-- Wall! de bank she might bus' up dere--somet'ing might go wrong-- Dem feller, w'en dey get it, mebbe skip before de night-- Can't tell--den w'ere's your money? So I sing ma leetle song An' don't boder wit' de w'isky, an' again I feel all right. "Jus' tak' your chance, an' try your luck." If you're goin' to mak' de marry, kip a look out on de eye, But no matter how you're careful, it was risky anyhow-- An' if you're too unlucky, jus' remember how you try For gettin' dat poor woman, dough she may have got you now-- All de sam', it sometam happen dat your wife will pass away-- No use cryin', you can't help it--dere's your duty to you'se'f-- You don't need to ax de neighbor, dey will tell you ev'ry day Start again lak hones' feller, for dere's plaintee woman lef'-- "Jus' tak' your chance, an' try your luck." Poor man lak me, I'm not'ing: only w'en election's dere, An' ev'rybody's waitin' to ketch you by de t'roat-- De money I be makin' den, wall! dot was mon affaire-- An' affer all w'at diff'rence how de poor man mak' de vote? So I do ma very bes'--me--wit' de wife an' familee-- On de church door Sunday morning, you can see us all parade-- Len' a frien' a half a dollar, an' never go on spree-- So w'en I'm comin' die--me--no use to be afraid-- "Jus' tak' your chance, an' try your luck." HOW I SPOKE THE WORD FRANK L. STANTON The snow come down in sheets of white An' made the pine trees shiver; 'Peared like the world had said good night An' crawled beneath the kiver. The river's shiny trail wuz gone-- The winds sung out a warnin'; The mountains put their nightcaps on An' said: "Good-by till mornin'!" 'Twuz jest the night in fiel' an' wood When cabin homes look cozy, An' fine oak fires feel mighty good, An' women's cheeks look rosy. An' that remin's me. We wuz four, A-settin' by the fire; But still it 'peared ten mile or more Betwixt me an' Maria! "No, sir!" (I caught that eye of his, An' then I fit and floundered!) "The thing I want to tell you is--" Says he: "The old mare's _foundered_?" "No, sir! it ain't about no hoss!" (My throat begin to rattle!) "I see," he said, "another loss In them fine Jersey cattle!" An' then I lost my patience! Then I hollered high and higher (You could 'a' heard me down the glen): "_No, sir! I want Maria!_" "An' now," says I, "the shaft'll strike: He'll let _that_ statement stay so!" He looked at me astonished-like, Then yelled: "_Why didn't you say so?_" THE UNIVERSITY INTELLIGENCE OFFICE BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS