"'Why, man,' says Bob Chambers, 'where've you been all this time that you ain't got acquainted with that estimable old gentleman, Kernel Rich? You ain't onto the combination, that's all. Now, I'll bet you the drinks for the crowd, down at old mother Bangs's, that I'll go in the store an' ask the kernel for a letter, an' although I ain't expecting one, an' would be surprised if I got one, the old kernel'll rush flying 'round behind the counter a-trying to find me a letter. Now, lemme show you how it's done,' sez Bob, a-buttonin' up his jacket an' a-cockin' his fatigue cap up on three hairs. "We all followed him into the store to see the performance. The old kernel was pacin' the floor. By a 'left-front-into-line' movement Bob swung himself into position in front of the kernel, halted, come to 'attention,' bringing his heels together with a crack, an' raised his right hand to the peak of his cap as he asked: 'Kernel, is there any letter in the office for me, sir?' "Well, say--you ought to have seen the smile that come over old Rich's phiz as he fell all over himself getting 'round behind the counter, asking as he went: 'What's the name, my man?' 'Robert Chambers, of F Company, sir,' says Bob, still standing to 'attention.' "Well, sir, the old kernel shuffled those letters over two or three times a-tryin' his level best to dig up one for Chambers, an' seemed awfully sorry when he had to say, as he put them back in the pigeonhole: 'No, nothing for you to-day, Chambers.' An' he was so sorry to disappoint Bob that he reached over on the shelf an' handed out a plug of tobacco, as he added, sort of regretful-like: 'But there's some of the best navy tobacco you ever smacked your lips over.' 'No doubt of it, kernel, for when you recommend a thing it's bound to be first class, but unfortunately I'm dead broke,' says Chambers. 'Oh, take it along,' says the old man, as he pushed the plug across the counter; 'you can hand me the money next pay-day.' An' he was so pleased with Bob's blarney that he never even chalked it down to him; an' I'm dead sure that Chambers didn't remind him of it when pay-day come, for Bob wasn't built that way. "As we started out of the store, Bob says over his shoulder like for old Rich to hear, 'Kernel Rich is one of the finest old gentlemen I ever knew.'