I have before me as I write a little picture of the Annunciation. Mary,
who is scarcely fifteen years old, has just learned from the angel her
divine mission. With clasped hands she strives to quiet her heart. In
spite of her unworthiness, she accepts the honour at which she thrills,
but at the same time she foresees all the sorrow that will come to her.
She trembles with joy or fear, or rather with joy and fear together.
In the course of a journey to Italy I came upon the picture in a little
town. To secure it I needed more than money; I had to use persistence,
strategy, eloquence. But I wanted it at any price. For this acceptance
without fear--oh, in my comparison I do not intend any irreverence,
which as far as I am concerned would only be detestable and
ridiculous--this acceptance without fear recalled to me my betrothal,
which in truth was for Raymonde an oblation that she made to me of all
the suffering to come. With mystic intuition she foresaw it, but I, I
guessed nothing.
She had listened to me without speaking. At last, as though there were
any need of words when I saw that the whole current of her being was
arrested, I demanded:
“Will you not tell me, too, that you love me?”
She shivered all over and I dared insist.
“Not to-day,” she murmured at length in a colourless voice. “I cannot.”
“And to-morrow?”
“To-morrow perhaps.”
Fool that I was, I could obtain nothing more from her, though she was
sinking under the weight of her love. Ordinarily we employ the same
phrases in common conversation that we use for the deepest emotions.
Through reluctance, through delay, through the difficulty of giving
them utterance, the desire to keep them in her heart, which cherished
them in order the better to absorb their virtue, Raymonde restored to
the divine words their true meaning, their power and their freshness.
And I complained!
I wished to embrace her, but despite myself my respect for her checked
me, and instead I bent over the hand that hung by her side. She had to
restrain herself from drawing it away, as if my kiss had burned it.
“Leave her now,” said her father. “You do not see that she is
thoroughly tired out.”
Ah, how I pity those who become engaged, who marry, in the city! Does
not everything urge them to set bounds to a love which they must keep,
as it were, on a leash, in the streets, must protect incessantly in the
midst of acquaintances, difficulties and embarrassments? My own and
Raymonde’s love blossomed forth in freedom.
We had resumed our horseback rides, and sometimes M. Mairieux
accompanied us, sometimes he entrusted his daughter to me, when he
would follow us with his eyes for several moments before he returned to
his office or his work outdoors.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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