"Somesing, somesing--yés!" he cried; "énough for a son of a reech
man--not énough for an orphan. Besides, I sought you might learn to be
an artist; I did not sink you might learn to be a workman."
On a certain bench on the outer boulevard, not far from the tomb of
Napoleon--a bench shaded at that date by a shabby tree, and commanding a
view of muddy roadway and blank wall--I sat down to wrestle with my
misery. The weather was cheerless and dark; in three days I had eaten
but once; I had no tobacco; my shoes were soaked, my trousers horrid
with mire; my humour and all the circumstances of the time and place
lugubriously attuned. Here were two men who had both spoken fairly of my
work while I was rich and wanted nothing; now that I was poor and lacked
all: "No genius," said the one; "not enough for an orphan," the other;
and the first offered me my passage like a pauper immigrant, and the
second refused me a day's wage as a hewer of stone--plain dealing for an
empty belly. They had not been insincere in the past; they were not
insincere to-day: change of circumstance had introduced a new criterion,
that was all.
But if I acquitted my two Job's comforters of insincerity, I was yet far
from admitting them infallible. Artists had been contemned before, and
had lived to turn the laugh on their contemners. How old was Corot
before he struck the vein of his own precious metal? When had a young
man been more derided (or more justly so) than the god of my admiration,
Balzac? Or, if I required a bolder inspiration, what had I to do but
turn my head to where the gold dome of the Invalides glittered against
inky squalls, and recall the tale of him sleeping there: from the day
when a young artillery-sub could be giggled at and nicknamed
Puss-in-Boots by frisky misses, on to the days of so many crowns and so
many victories, and so many hundred mouths of cannon, and so many
thousand warhoofs trampling the roadways of astonished Europe eighty
miles in front of the grand army? To go back, to give up, to proclaim
myself a failure, an ambitious failure--first a rocket, then a stick! I,
Loudon Dodd, who had refused all other livelihoods with scorn, and been
advertised in the St. Joseph _Sunday Herald_ as a patriot and an artist,
to be returned upon my native Muskegon like damaged goods, and go the
circuit of my father's acquaintance, cap in hand, and begging to sweep
offices! No, by Napoleon! I would die at my chosen trade; and the two
who had that day flouted me should live to envy my success, or to weep
tears of unavailing penitence behind my pauper coffin.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account