But noo the bell is ringin' in; To tak their places, folk begin; The minister himsel' will shuene Be up the gate, Filled fu' wi' clavers about sin An' man's estate. The tuenes are up--_French_, to be shuere, The faithfue' _French_, an' twa-three mair; The auld prezentor, hoastin' sair, Wales out the portions, An' yirks the tuene into the air Wi' queer contortions. Follows the prayer, the readin' next, An' than the fisslin' for the text-- The twa-three last to find it, vext But kind o' proud; An' than the peppermints are raxed, An' southernwood. For noo's the time whan pows are seen Nid-noddin' like a mandareen; When tenty mithers stap a preen In sleepin' weans; An' nearly half the parochine Forget their pains. There's just a waukrif twa or three: Thrawn commentautors sweer to 'gree, Weans glowrin' at the bumlin' bee On windie-glasses, Or lads that tak a keek a-glee At sonsie lasses. Himsel', meanwhile, frae whaur he cocks An' bobs belaw the soundin'-box, The treasures of his words unlocks Wi' prodigality, An' deals some unco dingin' knocks To infidality. Wi' sappy unction, hoo he burkes The hopes o' men that trust in works, Expounds the fau'ts o' ither kirks, An' shaws the best o' them No' muckle better than mere Turks, When a's confessed o' them. Bethankit! what a bonny creed! What mair would ony Christian need?-- The braw words rummle ower his heid, Nor steer the sleeper; An' in their restin' graves, the deid Sleep aye the deeper. NOTE.--It may be guessed by some that I had a certain parish in my eye, and this makes it proper I should add a word of disclamation. In my time there have been two ministers in that parish. Of the first I have a special reason to speak well, even had there been any to think ill. The second I have often met in private and long (in the due phrase) "sat under" in his church, and neither here nor there have I heard an unkind or ugly word upon his lips. The preacher of the text had thus no original in that particular parish; but when I was a boy, he might have been observed in many others; he was then (like the schoolmaster) abroad; and by recent advices, it would seem he has not yet entirely disappeared.--[R. L. S.] VI THE SPAEWIFE O, I wad like to ken--to the beggar-wife says I-- Why chops are guid to brander and nane sae guid to fry. An' siller, that's sae braw to keep, is brawer still to gi'e. --_It's gey an' easy speirin'_, says the beggar-wife to me. O, I wad like to ken--to the beggar-wife says I-- Hoo a' things come to be whaur we find them when we try. The lassies in their claes an' the fishes in the sea. --_It's gey an' easy speirin'_, says the beggar-wife to me.