The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 1, April 1894
General
The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 1, April 1894
English literature -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Great Britain -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
He had always been given to much day-dreaming, and it was in the silence
of his rooms of an evening that he turned his phantasmal adventures into
stories for the magazines; here had come to him many an editorial
refusal, but, here, too, he had received the news of his first
unexpected success. All his happiest memories were embalmed in those
shabby, badly furnished rooms.
Now all was changed. Now might there be no longer any soft indulgence of
the hour's mood. His rooms and everything he owned belonged now to
Esther, too. She had objected to most of his photographs, and had
removed them. She hated books, and were he ever so ill-advised as to
open one in her presence, she immediately began to talk, no matter how
silent or how sullen her previous mood had been. If he read aloud to her
she either yawned despairingly, or was tickled into laughter where there
was no reasonable cause. At first, Willoughby had tried to educate her
and had gone hopefully to the task. It is so natural to think you may
make what you will of the woman who loves you. But Esther had no wish to
improve. She evinced all the self-satisfaction of an illiterate mind. To
her husband's gentle admonitions she replied with brevity that she
thought her way quite as good as his; or, if he didn't approve of her
pronunciation, he might do the other thing, she was too old to go to
school again. He gave up the attempt, and, with humiliation at his
previous fatuity, perceived that it was folly to expect a few weeks of
his companionship could alter or pull up the impressions of years, or
rather of generations.
Yet here he paused to admit a curious thing: it was not only Esther's
bad habits which vexed him, but habits quite unblameworthy in
themselves, and which he never would have noticed in another, irritated
him in her. He disliked her manner of standing, of walking, of sitting
in a chair, of folding her hands. Like a lover he was conscious of her
proximity without seeing her. Like a lover, too, his eyes followed her
every movement, his ear noted every change in her voice. But, then,
instead of being charmed by everything as the lover is, everything
jarred upon him.
What was the meaning of this? To-night the anomaly pressed upon him: he
reviewed his position. Here was he quite a young man, just twenty-six
years of age, married to Esther, and bound to live with her so long as
life should last--twenty, forty, perhaps fifty years more. Every day of
those years to be spent in her society; he and she face to face, soul to
soul; they two alone amid all the whirling, busy, indifferent world. So
near together in semblance, in truth so far apart as regards all that
makes life dear.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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