Chalmers did not always show the same patience and consideration for his
fellow-travellers. Once, in Yorkshire, waiting at the door of the
coach-office, he found himself beside a herd of swine, whose motions and
operations he studied with interest; on the top of the coach he found a
company much of the same order—’fat and unintelligent, with only pursy
and vesicular projections on each side of their chins, and a
superabundance of lard in their gills, whose manners well-nigh overset
me, overloading our coach with their enormous carcasses, and squeezing
themselves, as they ascended from various parts of the road, between
passengers already in a state of compression, to the gross infraction of
all law and justice, and the imminent danger of our necks.’ It was
enough, he said, to make any man a Tory. Naturally, Chalmers had much of
the passion which bursts out in this bit of sarcasm; but, before the end
of his letter, he feels that he has gone too far, his better nature
asserts itself, and he gives utterance to a milder spirit. ’I feel it
wrong to nourish contempt for any human being: "Honour all men," is the
precept of Scripture. We should not despise any of those for whom
Christ died; and the tendency to do so is one of those temptations to
which refinement and knowledge are apt to expose us, and which ought to
be resisted.’ The ’old Adam’ was not extinct; but at the bottom of his
heart Chalmers wished him destroyed.
Even with a London barber he could have a merry time. To be sure the
barber began the fun, for he undertook, by clipping out all the white
hairs and leaving only the black, to make his client look forty years
younger. This greatly tickled the Doctor, and he proceeded to
compliment the barber’s profession, inasmuch as, though he heard
universal complaints of a bad hay-crop, his haymaking in the metropolis
went on pleasantly and prosperously all the year round. On the
completion of the job, the man assured the Doctor that he looked at
least thirty years younger. ’I told him how delighted my wife would be
with the news of this wonderful transformation, and gave him half a
crown, observing that it was little enough for having turned me into a
youthful Adonis. We parted in a roar of laughter, and great mutual
satisfaction with each other.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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