Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"Of course, of course," said Sam. "When they do decline. Not till then,
of course! I wouldn't dream of it. But, once they do decline, count on
me! And I should like to say for my part," he went on handsomely, "what
an honour I think it, to become the son-in-law of a man like Mr.
Bennett. Bennett of New York!" he added spaciously, not so much because
he knew what he meant, for he would have been the first to admit that
he did not, but because it sounded well.
"Oh!" said Mr. Bennett "You do, do you?"
Mr. Bennett sat down. He put away his handkerchief, which had certainly
earned a rest. Then he fastened a baleful stare upon his newly-discovered
son. It was not the sort of look a proud and happy father-in-law-to-be
ought to have directed at a prospective relative. It was not, as a matter
of fact, the sort of look which anyone ought to have directed at anybody
except possibly an exceptionally prudish judge at a criminal in the dock,
convicted of a more than usually atrocious murder. Billie, not being in
the actual line of fire, only caught the tail end of it, but it was
enough to create a misgiving.
"Oh, father! You aren't angry."
"Angry!"
"You _can't_ be angry!"
"Why can't I be angry!" demanded Mr. Bennett, with that sense of injury
which comes to self-willed men when their whims are thwarted. "Why the
devil shouldn't I be angry? I _am_ angry! I come here and find you
like--like this, and you seem to expect me to throw my hat in the air
and give three rousing cheers! Of course I'm angry! You are engaged to
be married to an excellent young man of the highest character, one of
the finest young men I have ever met...."
"Oh, well!" said Sam, straightening his tie modestly. "Of course, if
you say so ... It's awfully good of you...."
"But, father," cried Billie, "I never really loved Bream. I like him
very much, but I could never love him. I only got engaged to him
because you were so anxious for it, and because ... because I had
quarrelled with the man I really loved ... I don't want to marry Bream."
"Naturally!" said Sam. "Naturally! Quite out of the question. In a few
days we'll all be roaring with laughter at the very idea."
Mr. Bennett scorched him with a look compared with which his earlier
effort had been a loving glance.
"Wilhelmina," he said, "go into the outer office."
"But, father, you don't understand. You don't realise that Sam has just
saved my life."
"Saved your life? What do you mean?"
"There was a lunatic in here with a pistol, and Sam saved me."
"It was nothing," said Sam modestly. "Nothing."
"Go into the outer office!" thundered Mr. Bennett, quite unmoved by
this story.
"Very well," said Billie. "I shall always love you, Sam," she said,
pausing mutinously at the door.
"I shall always love _you_," said Sam.
"Nobody can keep us apart."
"They're wasting their time, trying," said Sam.
"You're the most wonderful man in the world."
"There never was a girl like you!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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