Three men on the bummelJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Three men on the bummel
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Bicycle touring -- Fiction; Black Forest (Germany) -- Fiction; British -- Germany -- Fiction; Humorous stories
I turned my head and saw what, I suppose, few living Englishmen have ever
seen before--the travelling Britisher according to the Continental idea,
accompanied by his daughter. They were coming towards us in the flesh
and blood, unless we were dreaming, alive and concrete--the English
"Milor" and the English "Mees," as for generations they have been
portrayed in the Continental comic press and upon the Continental stage.
They were perfect in every detail. The man was tall and thin, with sandy
hair, a huge nose, and long Dundreary whiskers. Over a pepper-and-salt
suit he wore a light overcoat, reaching almost to his heels. His white
helmet was ornamented with a green veil; a pair of opera-glasses hung at
his side, and in his lavender-gloved hand he carried an alpenstock a
little taller than himself. His daughter was long and angular. Her
dress I cannot describe: my grandfather, poor gentleman, might have been
able to do so; it would have been more familiar to him. I can only say
that it appeared to me unnecessarily short, exhibiting a pair of
ankles--if I may be permitted to refer to such points--that, from an
artistic point of view, called rather for concealment. Her hat made me
think of Mrs. Hemans; but why I cannot explain. She wore side-spring
boots--"prunella," I believe, used to be the trade name--mittens, and
pince-nez. She also carried an alpenstock (there is not a mountain
within a hundred miles of Dresden) and a black bag strapped to her waist.
Her teeth stuck out like a rabbit's, and her figure was that of a bolster
on stilts.
Harris rushed for his camera, and of course could not find it; he never
can when he wants it. Whenever we see Harris scuttling up and down like
a lost dog, shouting, "Where's my camera? What the dickens have I done
with my camera? Don't either of you remember where I put my
camera?"--then we know that for the first time that day he has come
across something worth photographing. Later on, he remembered it was in
his bag; that is where it would be on an occasion like this.
They were not content with appearance; they acted the thing to the
letter. They walked gaping round them at every step. The gentleman had
an open Baedeker in his hand, and the lady carried a phrase book. They
talked French that nobody could understand, and German that they could
not translate themselves! The man poked at officials with his alpenstock
to attract their attention, and the lady, her eye catching sight of an
advertisement of somebody's cocoa, said "Shocking!" and turned the other
way.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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