LATIMER. Dear me! You should have told me of this before. We must have
the room seen to at once. And be sure that his lordship has a
different room to-night.
DOMINIC. Yes, sir; thank you, sir.
[_He goes out._
LATIMER (_sympathetically_). My dear fellow, I am distressed beyond
words. But you know the saying, “Feed a cold, starve a fever.” You
must eat, you must eat. (_He pushes all the dishes round Leonard._) We
must be firm with this cold. We must suffocate it. (_Pressing more
dishes upon him._) You were quite right not to shave. The protection
offered by the beard, though small, is salutary. But I was
forgetting—perhaps your razor is lost too?
LEONARD. Damned careless fellows!
LATIMER. I must lend you mine.
LEONARD (_feeling his chin_). I say, I wish you would.
LATIMER. I will get it at once. Meanwhile, eat. No half measures with
this cold of yours. My poor fellow!
(_He hurries out. Just as LEONARD is getting busy with his
breakfast again, ANNE comes in._)
ANNE. Leonard, my dear! (_She observes him more thoroughly_) My _dear_
Leonard!
LEONARD (_his mouth full_). G’morning, Anne.
ANNE (_coldly_). Good morning.
LEONARD (_getting up, napkin in hand_). How are you this morning? (_He
comes towards her, wiping his mouth._)
ANNE. No, please go on with your breakfast. (_In alarm_) What is it?
(_His face assumes an agonized expression. He sneezes. ANNE
shudders._)
LEONARD. Got a nasty cold. Can’t understand it. First I’ve ever had in
my life.
ANNE. Do you sneeze like that much?
LEONARD. Off and on.
ANNE. Oh!... Hadn’t you better get on with your breakfast?
LEONARD. Well, I will if you don’t mind. Good thing for a cold, isn’t
it? Eat a lot.
ANNE. I really know very little about colds.... Do get on with your
breakfast.
LEONARD (_going back_). Well, I will, if you don’t mind. You had
yours?
ANNE. Yes.
LEONARD. That’s right. (_Resuming it_) Did you have one of these
kippers?
ANNE. No.
LEONARD. Ah! A pity. I will say that for Latimer’s cook. She knows how
to do a kipper. Much more difficult than people think.
ANNE. I really know very little about kippers.
LEONARD. I have often wondered why somebody doesn’t invent one without
bones. (_He takes a mouthful._) Seeing what science can do
nowadays—— (_He stops. ANNE’S eye is on him. He says nothing, but
waves his hand for her to look the other way._)
ANNE. What is it? (_He frowns fiercely and continues to wave. She
turns away coldly._) I beg your pardon. (_He removes a mouthful of
bones._)
LEONARD (_cheerfully_). Right oh, darling.... After all, what do they
_want_ all these bones for? Other fish manage without them. (_He
continues his kipper._)
ANNE. Leonard, when you can spare me a moment I should like to speak
to you.
LEONARD (_eating_). My darling, all my time is yours.
ANNE. I should like your undivided attention if I can have it.
LEONARD. Fire away, darling, I’m listening.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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