He tucked them in, gave each rounded hill of blanket a consoling pat,
and left them. Joyce was standing in the passage. She had changed her
clothes and was wearing a plain grey linen dress. He wanted to tell her
that she was one of the unbelievably rare women who never have a pink
strap of ribbon running loose across one shoulder. There must be _some_
solution of that problem? A man would have abolished it long ago. But
she’s on her way to the bathroom, I suppose; it’ll be more polite if I
just stand aside and let her pass without saying anything. Besides, we
can’t talk here, right outside Ruth’s door.
But she did not move. Evidently she had been watching his little scene
with the children. In a flicker of the mind he wondered whether his
part in it had looked creditable. He was afraid it had. For now, to her
at any rate, he hankered to be known as the troubled imbecile he really
was.
“And you wonder why I envy you,” she said.
He didn’t answer. He was busy reminding himself that that was what her
eyes were like. It is only a few times that any man has the chance or
the will to search the innermost bravery of other human faces. He had
thought much about her eyes, had imagined the fine glory of telling
them about themselves. Foreigners, he would call them; bright aliens
not quite at home in the daily disasters of earth’s commonplace.
Foreigners, but he was on the pier waiting for them. They seemed to
know that life is a precious thing and that we are always in danger
of marring it. He imagined them as they would be if their shadow of
questioning were skimmed away; if they were flooded with the light
of complete surrender, of reckless trust. But how can these things
be said? There is no code, he thought: so perhaps the wise presently
abandon attempt to communicate. The gulf surrounds us all; only here
and there on the horizon a reversed ensign shows where some stout
spirit founders in silence. Or now and then, in the casual palaver of
the day, slips out some fantastic phrase to show how man rises from
clay to potter, can even applaud the nice malice of his own comedy.
He had got beyond the point where he could talk to her in
trivialities. He must say all or nothing.
“Lucky children,” she said. “I wish _I_ had someone to hear my
prayers.--If I had, I might say some.”
“I _didn’t_ hear them. I wasn’t listening; I couldn’t. Oh, Joyce,
Joyce, there’s so much I want to say, and your eyes keep interrupting
me.”
He thrilled a little at himself, and felt better. For he had his
Moments: unforeseen felicities when he said the humorous and necessary
word: and when his Moments came he could not help gloating over
them. She gloated too, for she relished that innocent glee when he
congratulated his own mind. When himself was his own guest of honour,
and he stood genially at the front door.
So she smiled. What other woman could ever reward a lucky phrase with
such magic of wistful applause?
“I apologize for them. They didn’t mean to be rude.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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