Janet and Sylvia were already in the two cots on the balcony; but their
eyes were waiting for George, with that look of entreating expectancy
worn by those who look upward from bed. In the lustrous garden air
crickets were beginning to wheedle. The rickety old porch seemed an
alcove of simpleness divided from the absurd tangled emotions of the
house. But even here was passion: the little white trousered figures
sprang up, their strenuous arms clutched him, their eyes were dark with
anxiety. With horror he saw how they appealed to him as omnipotent
all-arranging arbiter. Him, the poor futile bungler! They crushed him
with the impossible burden of their faith.
“Yes, we’ll have the Picnic to-morrow. Now you go to sleep and get a
good rest.”
“Mother forgot to hear our prayers.”
He stood impatient as they lengthily rehearsed, one after the other,
their confident innocent petitions. The clear voices chirruped, but he
shut their words from his mind, as regardless as God. Would they never
finish? To hear these dear meaningless desiderations was too tender a
torment. He tried to think of other things--of anything--of the sea; of
washing his hands and putting on a clean collar; of the striped brown
and silver tie that he intended to wear to-morrow (Joyce had never
seen it); and what on earth are we going to do to amuse these people
after dinner?
“... and Mother and Daddy and all friends kind and dear; and let
to-morrow be a nice day for the Picnic....”
Poor little devils, he thought; they seem as far away from me as if
they were kittens or puppies. People pretend that children are just
human beings of a smaller size, but I think they’re something quite
different. They live in a world with only three dimensions, a physical
world immersed in the moment, a reasonable world, a world without that
awful sorcery of a fourth measurement that makes us ill at ease. What
is it their world lacks? Is it self-consciousness, is it beauty, is it
sex? (Three names for the same thing, perhaps.) Little Sylvia with her
full wet eyes, what torments of desire she would arouse some day in
some deluded stripling.
Strange world of theirs: a world that has no awareness of good and
evil; a world merely pretty, whereas ours is beautiful. A world that
knows what it wants; whereas we are never quite sure....
He looked at them with amazement. Where did they come from, how did
they get there? They were more genuine than himself, they would still
be in this incredible life long after he had been shovelled out of
it. How soon would they begin to see through the furious pettiness of
parents? See that we do everything we punish them for attempting, that
we torture them for our own weakness, set their teeth on edge for the
taste of our own green grapes?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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